 | « Back to article | Print this article |
In a weekly chat with readers, Lovu Guru shares relationship advice and offers solutions.
Do you have a question to ask? Post them here!
If you've ever been in a relationship, you'll agree that there are times when you don't get along with your partner.
This might lead to petty fights and create unnecessary rifts, sometimes even affecting your physical and mental health.
You might talk to a friend or a relative, but when all else fails, Rediff.com's Love Guru agrees to help.
In an online chat with readers every Thursday, Love Guru attempts to address relationship issues of readers and offers advice.
For those who missed the live chat this week, here's the transcript:
Shonali Sengupta : Hi LG, I am a married women and have 4-year old son.
I have a healthy marriage life and my husband loves me a lot.
There is a guy in my office who is also married.
I like the way he talks, sense of humour, politeness. Sometimes I even think about him.
Is this attraction? I am confused.
I don’t know what is going on my mind.
What to do? Is this normal?
Love Guru: Shonali Sengupta, not possible for me to know what is going on in your mind when you don't? But why are you putting the cart before the horse?
Why don't you just let it be, and see how it goes?
Of course, if you don't want anything but just friendship and worried where this may take you, the best thing to do then would be to stop your interaction with him.
Vussu Bunsul: Hi, around one year ago I fell in love with a girl who was working as a manger and that time I was working as a executive but I was not aware of her designation.
One day I met her and asked her to be my friend she agreed to be my friend and after 3-4 days I proposed her from that day till now she is ignoring me.
But I am still not able to forget her and willing to marry her.
Love Guru: Vussu Bunsul, I think you are wasting your time pursuing her.
Obviously she doesn't see you in the same light that you are seeing her, is it so difficult to understand?
sm: Hi. My questions regarding my partner's exhibitionism went unanswered last week.
She has started indulging in excessive exhibitionism in front of friends.
I am unable to understand what do I need to do. I was ok with a little bit of late its been getting out of hand.
Love Guru: Sm, this is what I told you last week.
It depends on 1. if you are uncomfortable about it
2. if your friends are uncomfortable with it and
3. why she is doing it.
Exhibitionism could be an ailment, or it could be a ruse to get one's way.
If it's the former with her, she needs psychiatric treatment as left unchecked it could land her in trouble.
Find out what is it with her first.
Rajiv Ranjan : Sir my wife does not live with me she lives with her mother.
She will live with me only if I took a separate home.
But I want to keep my parents also with me. plz advice me because my wife's final decision I have got.
Sir, my home and her home is around 1/2 km.
Love Guru: Instead of living with your parents, live nearby. Maybe one street away.
That way you are closeby as well as not too close to them.
Most important, they won't be under the same roof. What do you think?
Rajiv Ranjan : sir but this will hamper my prestige in society
Love Guru: It's really your choice, Rajiv Ranjan, if it's society you need to keep happy or your family
Ashish More: Hi.. My girlfriend is very emotional. She starts crying very soon as she gets emotional.
I love her a lot and we will be getting married very soon.
I can understand her feeling, but sometime her crying habit really disturbs me.
How can make her understand that not to cry at any circumstances?
Love Guru: Ashish More, some women are hyper-sensitive and can shed tears at things that will leave us stone-hearted folk unmoved, what to do.
Is there any way of ensuring she doesn't cry often?
It depends on the impulses she receives-- will you be able to control that?
Vinu Murthy: We have been in a relationship with last 4-5 years.
We have had a huge argument and we stopped talking for a few weeks and we have only just started speaking again yesterday.
I truly think we are made for each other. But every time she argues with me.
I am a short tempered guy. I sometimes hit myself. How to tackle this?
Love Guru: Vinu Murthy, enroll in an anger management course at once. If not the love of your life may not last very long
Teju Salian: We've been married for 10 years and have no children. I am feeling bored and miserable, and don't have the energy to change things or make them better.
I think my husband does not love me. He does not appreciate me. Every time says I do not look beautiful like before. This annoys me.
Love Guru: Teju Salian, I hope in your disappointment and boredom you have not let yourself go, which makes him say that you are not beautiful as before.
Because if you have, he will interpret it your lack of interest in him which if you have let yourself go.
If that's the case, please take remedial measures, get yourself a makeover.
Life doesn't always come to us, most times we need to approach life
sakshi: Hello I am sakshi. I had a relationship which I broke 2years back and now I am married to a very nice man.
I am deeply in love with him. But he is not understanding this and saying that he will tell to everyone that I had a past.
He says that he never ever want to marry to such a girl who had a past. plz suggest.
Love Guru: Sakshi, a nice man but who can't handle your past?
I am presuming you two didn't find out about each other before tying the knot.
If he says he can't your past now, I doubt if there will ever come a time when he can.
Will you be able to live forever with him despite his taunts and worse that could follow?
I am not sure I will be able to.
alisha dcosta : I have been married for 15 years and we have been fighting about the same problem since the day we were married. My husband does not like to travel, and does not enjoy going anywhere.
He is a homebody. We both work full time jobs.
I enjoy doing things occasionally and it is always a fight to get him to go anywhere with me.
Our marriage is fine except for this problem but it is a huge issue to me. Please help.
Love Guru: alisha dcosta, I can understand homebodies who want to be home on weekends, a working person not willing to take a break and travel, I can't understand them.
And you say you have put up with this for 15 years? You deserve a medal.
But seriously, there's more to his reluctance to go out than what he says.
I suggest you speak to him, without sounding upset, to find out what the real reason is
res : Hi, it's about unrequited love.
I told her my feelings but she insists on keeping friendship.
I can’t change my feeling for her.
Shall I continue to be her friend or stop contact and move on? pls guide.
Love Guru: res, I am sure she has her reasons for insisting on friendship with you. Yes, it must be difficult for you to continue to be a "friend" when from your side she is clearly more than that. Well, whether you can handle the pain and agony that will come with being just a friend -- especially when you see her with someone else -- can be too much to handle. Will you be up to it? That's the question.
Shikhamani Sharma: We've been talking for just over two months and we both know that we like each other but he keeps shying away and I think he's to afraid to tell his friends about us. How to approach? How to tell her that I like her? I have fear to lose her.
Love Guru: Shikhamani Sharma, how many people are involved? You refer to a 'he' who keeps shying away. Then you talk of fearing losing 'her'. I am confused
Gunjal dhage: I have been dating a guy for 14 months, we have a lovely time. Suddenly, he starts ignoring my calls and SMS. I am getting some negative feelings. I don’t want to lose him. What to do?
Love Guru: Gunjal dhage, as I keep saying every week here, the best way to know something for sure is to ask the other person. So he is sending you bad vibes, and you don't know what to make of it. So why don't you just ask him? Or have you both stopped talking to each other -- in which case there's really nothing much, is there?
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
Note: Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
If you have a question, you can post it right here! And be sure to log in every Thursday, between 3 pm and 4 pm IST!
(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change.)