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"Don't let mere SMSes give you wrong ideas about what a woman has on her mind"
"Try and be understanding, see how you can make her life better."
Love Guru offers relationship advice to readers.
In a weekly chat with readers every Thursday, Rediff's Love Guru addresses their relationship problems and offers solutions.
For those who missed the chat on May 21, 2015, here's the transcript!
rajesh gambhir: Hi LG my friend around 50 is in love with a married woman and incidentally she also love him.
She does not stay in Delhi but both would like to meet each other one or twice in a month.
What do you suggest -- should they continue with this relationship or no.
Let me also tell you honestly they are not enjoying any physical intimacy at all. But they love talking.
Love Guru: Rajesh Gambhir, if they are happy doing what they are doing, let them continue doing it, and it is very sweet of you to write on behalf of your friend.
Wish everyone had a friend like you.
Ravi Salunkhe: hi love guru, I am married and my GF also married. But till date we love each other problem is that she is not interested for sex.
Every time she ignore me for that but she like to me for hoteling, picture, roaming.
Love Guru: Ravi Salunkhe, so both of you are married to different people and are together.
She wants to outings etc and you want sex.
When spelt out like this, do you see how ridiculous this situation seems?
Degonta bora: Hii.. LG I am in relationship for last 4 years.
She is 8 years younger than me. She is 26 and I am 34.
Every time I ask about marriage she always has new excuse.
Earlier her family was against our marriage.But they are ready for court marriage, but she is telling me that she is young and not sure to take responsibility of marriage..
Love Guru: Degonta Bora, she is right, at 26 she feels that it is too early for her to get married, while at 34 you feel you are getting on in age.
How do you reconcile the two contrasting points?
Perhaps you could talk to her and find out whether marriage figures anywhere at all in her plans, and if so, when.
If her reply is fine by you, then it's great news all around, isn't it?
P-B: LG, We returned to India from Canada some 4 years ago.
My wife of 12 years, started making problems 2 years back. She hated me visiting my parents once a month for 1 day.
My dad died last year.
My wife has been constantly abusing me but then complaining to my relatives that I abused her.
Thought of leaving her but since we have 2 children am constrained. Any thoughts?
Love Guru: P-B, I can imagine how you feel but see how she feels about her, being transplanted to another society, a different lifestyle than the one she got used to for 12 years.
So try and be understanding, see how you can make her life better, as close to what she had overseas, and you will find that she is fine.
Seema-kadam: I am a married woman but there are many problems in marriage life.
I am feeling alone and that time I have got new friend. Then our relation was became very close. Today the situation is that his marriage is on 7th.
And he want to I also live with her relationship as a friend.
I am so upset. Pls tell me how I can handle this situation.
Love Guru: Seema-Kadam, so you had a relationship outside your marriage, and now he is about to get married to someone else.
I can understand how you feel about it, but what is being suggested, that you also live with the couple under a pretext, is not correct.
It could damage everyone's life beyond repair.
Married folk, in such situations, have little choice, so wipe your tears, and move on with your life.
Vineet Khare: Is social network sites like facebook, tinder really safe?
Majority of people say that its not safe, but my friend he found his gf on FB and now they are planning tio get married, is it really safe?
Love Guru: Vineet Khare, are our cities safe? Is driving safe?
One can sit at home and be safe, or, knowing the dangers outside, take precautions and have a good experience.
The same is the case with social media and dating apps.
There could be frauds lurking there looking for gullible types, and if you are the kind who surrenders your ATM PIN easily to strangers, stay away from them
I'd replied to you last week: I cannot speak for people or explain why they think they way they do.
I guess it being a free world and all, everyone is entitled to their views, on marriage, everything.
Some people think love marriage is better, some think arranged married is important, in balance it's good that people think marriage, whether love or arranged, is good, isn't it?
Rahul: LG, I had an affair with the aunty in the flat above.
We had sex regularly like crazy for two months.
Now she is pregnant, she didn't have any children before this.
Now she is completely avoiding me and acting as if she doesn't even know me. I am devastated.
Love Guru: Rahul, incomplete information. What about the lady's husband, I am assuming she is not single?
And what about the pregnancy, what does she plan to do about it? And why is she avoiding you, when it usually the other way round?
Santosh Patel: My wife is very short tempered and always telling me to leave her but she cannot change her nature.
She gets angry over small small things. I can not leave her as I have to think about the future of my 2 kids.
How I can change his nature. please guide.
Love Guru: Santosh Patel, short-tempered she maybe, but still there needs to be a trigger to set her off.
Find out what the trigger is, most likely it will be something to do with you.
Set it right, and you will find there's no reason for her to lose her cool
Anirudh Karthik: HI, I am 23 years old, I do'nt have any gf, the reason being I am a very reserved guy.
I feel shy to talk to girls.
All of my friends they have gf , please help me with some tips.
Love Guru: Anirudh Karthik, there are no tips.
This is not some kind of exam or race for which some tips can be passed on.
When the opportunity presents itself before you, you will find that your shyness will have left you.
Don't worry too much about it.
Roshan Parkar: LG i'm in a relation with a girl for the past 2 years.
Nowadays she has problems if I talk to any girls from my office.
Previously she never had any problems.
Even if I get calls from office for some office related work she keeps questioning me.
I can't understand why she is behaving like that, please help.
Love Guru: Roshan Parkar, this is called being possessive which, for some, is a way of showing love.
It is about belonging and being belonged.
It can feel nice some times, and stifling at other times.
If you feel your girlfriend is overdoing it, maybe you should tell her so gently, how it is affecting your normal life.
Siraj Memon: Hi LG, what's the best way to handle a complex gf?
Love Guru: Siraj Memon, I'd think it's the same as handling a complex boyfriend.
Lalit Gera: One of my friends is in love with a boy for approx 1 year, but she hide the fact that she z divorce n have a baby boy.
Now that boy wants to marry her, should she tell the truth or she should try to avoid him? please suggest. Both love each other but she doesn't know how he will react.
Love Guru: Lalit Gera, that's really sweet of you to write in on behalf of your friend, if only everyone was so lucky to have such a friend.
What she should do depends on what she wants to do, does she want to marry him?
In which case yes, she should tell him of her past -- who knows, since he didn't know of it so far, it's possible he may change his mind, but that's a risk she will have to take.
Nitoo: I love one married woman and we exchanged texts but she avoids to meet me. She sends sms good morning good night regular , what does it means
Love Guru: Nitoo, it means you are part of her sms group, nothing more, at least of now.
Don't let mere SMSes give you wrong ideas about what a woman has on her mind.
It's likely she may not even remember who are part of her SMS group, and could be simply broadcasting it to her group. So let it be.
leena ben: I have been in love with a guy for nearly 8 years now it was a gay relationship for the first 4 years it was good then once after college he changed we still live in the same room share our money live like couple but that intimate relation is no more.
He seems to be in relationship with another girl now I can't live without him and he have started avoiding me pls help
Love Guru: Leena Ben, your situation is most unusual.
You and your ex-boyfriend still live in the same room, and live like a couple? Why would you do that?
You may feel it is one way of keeping him with you but it is unlikely that he is going to come back into your life.
I suggest you two move out and away from each other, and get on with your lives.
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
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Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.