"Just because a girl chats with you everyday doesn't mean she is interested in you. Stop going by Bollywood style romance, that doesn't happen in real life."
"Extra-marital relationships, by their very nature, don't last long. Whatever you do, or don't do, don't lose sight of this."
Rediff.com's Love Guru offers relationship advice.
In an online chat with readers every Thursday, Love Guru attempts to answer and solve relationship problems.
For those who missed the chat on July 16, here's the unedited transcript:
vikas garg: We are married for 21 yrs and the urge for physical relation with my wife is still growing. is it something abnormal?
Love Guru: Vikas Garg, is there a problem with what you describe? I don't see one, so I am guessing you wrote in more to boast than anything else, am I right?
sanket lade: Hi I love girl we used to chat daily, when I proposed her from that day she is not responding to me,and she tells she doesn't have that feeling. Say what to do how should I convince her.
Love Guru: Sanket Lade, this is a common folly with men.
All a female has to do be behave in a friendly manner and they thinking she is interested in them. Please understand.
Just because a girl chats with you everyday doesn't mean she is interested in you.
Stop going by Bollywood style romance, that doesn't happen in real life.
This time I think you've muffed your changes, next time be careful.
Gorav Malhotra: Hi I have a crush on woman aged around 55 and I am 40 she has grown up kids and she knows that I die for her but she avoids/ignore me.
She is so beautiful that I always be unable to take my sight off from her whenever we meet.
Love Guru: Gorav Malhotra, at 40 you are having a crush, that too on a 55-year-old with grown-up kids.
Can anything get stranger than this? Yes, there is no age limit to have crushes, no harm in them.
What could harm is your attempt to realise your crush.
It's very likely she doesn't feel the same way about you, so don't do anything foolish and land in trouble.
SAHIL KHANNA: Hello, I am a Bachelor 26 Age average looking guy. I do not have a girlfriend. Could you help me out in anyway??
Love Guru: Sahil Khanna, this is not a singles chatroom, but a relationship chat.
narendra rathi: We have extra marital affair.
I love her from depth of my heart but we don't have understanding and very frequently she ready to leave me alone and after every quarrel she said ok I will improve my self but all in vain.
Pls don't suggest me to end this relation because I cant live without her.
Love Guru: Narendra Rathi, you are fooling yourself if you think that your extra-marital affair will last till the end.
Extra-marital relationships, by their very nature, don't last long. Whatever you do, or don't do, don't lose sight of this.
SINGH JK: I am 44 and unmarried having higher education.
I met a girl of around 30 plus in 2011. Fortunately she belonged from my own caste and helped her at every moment.
As such we had faith in ourselves. One day I sent her a sms which she took wrong but did not tell me.She took lgl help and disconected.What should I do and say sorry for that sms.
Love Guru: Singh JK, look at it from her point of view. She accepted help from you under the impression that you were not doing so with any ulterior motive.
Then one day she gets this sms from you out of the blue, so what else can she think now, except that you were helping her out to exploit her later.
I don't know how you can win her trust again, but you must try to do so.
tarun mehra: Hey Love Guru hows you I like a girl I'm my friend circle and I tell her and purpose her but she rejected as saying that she hate love relationship and marriages but I love her a lot what should I do.please tell me
Love Guru: Tarun Mehra, since she believes in arranged marriage, perhaps you can approach her family via your family with an offer of marriage?
That seems to be only possible solution, given how opposed she seems to be to love marriage.
Rahul Roy: Dear, I loved one who has elder then my age of 2.3 years.
She loves me but I am confused some how. My age 32 and her age 34.3 years.
Is it any problem in future while we will have a family. Could you let me know what will be possibility.
We are meeting only one day in a week and hardly 2 to 3 hours.
Love Guru: Rahul Roy, why should her being elder to you create problems while planning a family?
Avish Jain: I have crush a girl younger to me by 20 years working with another office but same premises.
I flirt a lot and talk. She give proper response and never avoid me. But she never make any initiative. Whether I try further or not.
Love Guru: Avish Jain, it's okay to have a crush etc, never mind the age difference, but I would caution you against any foolish, or foolhardy, move.
It's possible she's responding to you out of respect for your age, so don't push your luck.
I presume you are a married man with family, so don't do anything to jeopardise your situation. If she wants to go ahead, she will let you know.
Shounak Pal: I love a girl in my office. There is another guy who loves the same girl. Both of us have proposed her.
But she did not accept anyone's proposal yet.
Suddenly I feel she is spending less time with me while giving more time to the other guy.
I hate this and I am really hurt.
What should I do so that I get importance again and she spends more time with me??
Love Guru: Shounak Pal, whatever you do, don't believe in those deodorant ads you see on TV, they don't work:) But seriously, unless you are a hypnotist, I don't know you can wean away from her choice.
The two of you fought fairly for the girl's affections, one of you was bound to win.
The girl seems to have decided and, however painful it may be to you, the best course is to smile and move on.
Samc: Hi, I am 39 male. I had a terrible experience by marrying a wrong girl who left me after 5 months of marriage and she got what she wanted money and divorced me.
This has left a deep scar and others think that I should remarry.
At this juncture, do you think this will be a realistic approach as the word TRUST no longer exists in my dictionary? regards Sam.
Love Guru: Samc, how long ago did this unfortunate experience happen to you?
The reason I ask is that it is natural to undergo a period of self-doubt, doubting other girls etc after such an experience as yours. But you understand it cannot go on forever.
There is no point fearing the future, in that case you might as well sit inside your house and not interact with anyone.
ANISHA SARKAR: Hi since last 5 yrs we are in long distance relationship.
He loves me, cares me, trust me. All things are going well.
After 2 yr we are going to marry. Now he is doing MBA. But problem is that.
I am frustrated with this long distance relationship. Need some solution.
Love Guru: Anisha Sarkar, is the problem with his MBA?
Do you worry that he will someone who is on the same wavelength while there?
Yours seems like a stable relationship, so it's likely you are just going through some insecurity issues, which is quite normal when faced with a new situation.
The sensible thing would be to share your fears with him without sounding hysterical, and sort out the issues.
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
Also read
- 'My wife and I have a poor sex life'
- 'How do I overcome my college crush?'
- 'My wife gets hyper for no reason'
- 'My BF is very narrow minded'
- 'My sister's friend has a crush on me'
- 'My wife is in a relationship with someone'
- 'I am unable to understand her'
- How can I keep my wife happy?
- I'm in love with a senior colleague'
- 'How does one get over a broken heart?'
- 'We broke up but she still wants us to be friends'
- 'A married woman misses me'
- 'What's the secret to a happy marriage?'
- 'My GF's crying habit really disturbs me'
- 'She ignores me and refuses to marry'
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
