In a weekly chat with readers, Love Guru shares crucial life and relationship advice.
Do you have a question to ask? Post them here!
True love, they say, transcends boundaries and gives strength to look beyond the challenges that lie on the path.
However, there are times when things get murky and the mind and heart fail to agree with each other.
When all else fails, the Love Guru offers to help.
In an online chat with readers, every Thursday, Love Guru addresses queries on relationship issues and shares solutions.
For those who missed the chat on October 16, we bring you the edited transcript:
P b: Hi LG.. I'm quite possessive about my would-be with whom I'm getting married in 2 mnths time. she is bit otherwise and I get quite upset when she doesn't answer my call or revert back. perhaps she would require more time to feel same as that of me... what should be my approach ,,, am I wrong somewhere?
Love Guru: P B, possessive is all fine, but you surely know that no two people react the same way to situations, people, relationships? If her different behaviour is bothering you so much, you should discuss it with her, and see what she has to say. Could be she finds your attitude crowding her you, ever thought about it?
rakeshnram: Hi, We have been married for 8 yrs n have a 1 yr old daughter. My wife has never been interested in sex from the beginning. We make love mayb once a year n she refuses 2 com 4 professional help. I do love her n hav a normal life. Our child was thru IVF. Due to frustrations I have started seeing other married women who are like me n don’t feel guilty about it anymore. Is this bad?
Love Guru: Rakeshnram, is it "bad"? What do you think? If you didn't think it was, you wouldn't be writing in, right? Could it be that you think it's bad but you want to be assured that it isn't, it happens all around us, and hey, after all you did try to convince your wife, it was only when she refused to yield that you had to do this. Whatever. If it pricks your conscience, you can't be feeling good right?
manali-sutar: I have been dating with this guy for almost a year. Within the first two months of our relationship was on top but after that he starts ignoring me. I am still with him. Now, he is saying it was an attraction and he has no feeling for me. I am very curious what to do? I love him very much and can't leave without him. Some times he abuse me in front of his friends also. How to tackle this situation. I don’t want to lose him. Don’t say to forget him. Coz that is the main part which I can’t do.
Love Guru: Manali-Sutar, sounds like a deal made in hell. Are you sure you are not cheapening yourself? Do you enjoy being in an abusive, worthless relationship? No, right? So what are you doing with someone who has clearly indicated to you that he wants out?
You can hang around but seems obvious from what you describe that he has lost interest in you. In just two months, you ask? Yeah, it's known to happen. Now you can make a doormat of yourself with him, or get a life and move on.
rahulghadge234@rediffmail.com: Hii.....I like a girl but dont have guts to approach her because I heard she she is full on attitude type of girl and bit rude also.I tried to contact her through FB but she didn't reply.Even her FB quote is "BEING SINGLE IS MY ATTITUDE" I m afraid to approach her bcoz if she rejects then what? Plz help
Love Guru: Rahulghadge234, whatever gave you the idea to take this ill-advised step? From what you tell me, the girl has no interest in you. I suggest you respect her decision, or attitude as you call it, and leave her alone
arvint: Hi LG I had relationship a girl before 4 yrs ago, now she is married with another guy from last 1 yr, but now she get my mobile number and calling me daily, talking things, she want me do something like that with her. Tell me what to do, I don't want to make any relation with her as she is married now, is it ok or not?
Love Guru: Arvint, follow your gut. If it tells you to stay away, heed the warning and stay away.
yashveer: Hi I am Ranjeet I am a lawyer, I am in love with girl who is a police officer pls. suggest me how to propose her, I met several time, but I get scared, pls. suggest me, I want to marry her, pls ,suggest me how to approach her,
Love Guru: Yashveer, before you propose, are you sure the girl harbours similar feelings for you, have their been indications to the effect, or is it a lonely furrow you are ploughing and expect the girl to reciprocate because that's how it happens in films? If she has shown signs of being interested in you, proceed with confidence. If not, be very careful
Megha Nambiar: I have been over there three nights a week since we broke up. Do I continue this cycle in hopes that we will get back together or do I leave him alone? He only calls me maybe twice a week. I normally call him. He's very jealous and still says things that let me know he cares but we are still not together like I want. Please help.
Love Guru: Megha Nambiar, difficult to say. Couples who break up sometimes stay in touch, I think it is always good to maintain civility. But that shouldn't give either party ideas about the other still wanting to spend time or revive the relationship. So don't bet too much on what would happen
ravi: I love a girl 4 years, she wanted 2 stay with her parents so I shifted 2 kol in dec 12,bt aftr coming here I saw another picture she always had a second BF with her and she did this 6 time. We got engaged I went out of the city for sum days n after returning I cum 2 know that she is again in relationship. Now I should forgive her again or not??
Love Guru: Ravi, up to you want you should do. Frankly, from what you say, it seems like a situation unfair to you. If I were you, I would move on
nita nagpal: Hi Lg, I'm in a serious relationship with a senior in my office since three years now and we're planning to get married early next year. He is a divorcee and has a 5 year old son. The son stays with the father but doesn't like me so much. Pls suggest how to break the ice.
Love Guru: Nita Nagpal, breaking the ice with a 5-year-old is not the same as with an adult. And 5 year olds too have their own little fears, insecurities, especially over a step mother. You are not going to win him over overnight, have patience, lots of it, understand you are dealing with a child, give him time. I am sure he will come around slowly.
anil: I've been dating a girl for over a year now but we haven't informed out parents or friends yet. She says she loves me and would like to have a husband like me, but at times she suggests she does not want a serious relationship. I'm very confused. What should I do.
Love Guru: Anil, nothing. A girl could seem like sending out confusing signals but more often than not it is a way of plumbing your reaction. When she says she wants a husband like you or that she is not looking for a serious relationship, she is checking to see how you are reacting to it. Hope that helps you the next time!
anjukakkar: It's a very isolating feeling to live with someone who feels more like a roommate than a lover/spouse. I have gained weight and can't seem to feel worthy of taking care of myself because I seem to be the one taking care of everything else. He is not happy with my weight and that may be the problem but to me that is a superficial approach to love from a husband.
Love Guru: Anjukakkar, I presume you have tried to air your woes, or tried discussing them with your partner? How did it go? Have you tried going on a solo holiday and let your partner manage on his own? Most husbands tend to realise the wife's worth when she is not around picking up after them, putting food on the table. Temporary absence could change things for the better, try it?
Raju Vohra: When we have problems small or big he runs from talking about them and says it's not working for him and tries to leave me. Then as we talk more I hear about the old problems and he blames that on why we have any problems, which have nothing to do with the subject we are arguing about. What do we need to do?
Love Guru: Raju Vohra, men have problems discussing problems in a relationship. Perhaps there's something in the manner of the arguments you are having... Does he have problems in the relationship, or is it only your problems that come to the fore? In which case he could probably be feeling hounded. Try a different tack the next time?
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
Note: Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
If you have a question, you can post it right here! And be sure to log in every Thursday, between 3 pm and 4 pm IST!
(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change.)
