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Madhuri Banerjee is the author of My Clingy Girlfriend. So when she advises you on how to deal with one, be scared. Very scared!
When Madhuri Banerjee (inset, below) dropped by at our offices the other day, she sportingly informed us of the top five things a clingy girlfriend will most likely demand of you this World Cup.
So it only seemed fair to get her to tell us just how you, our dear readers, can tackle your respective clingy girlfriends.
Presenting, tongue firmly in cheek, Madhuri Banerjee's five ways to tackle your clingy girlfriends:
1. When you're watching sports
It's annoying when you're in the middle of watching a game and your girlfriend wants you to pay the bills, talk about your relationship, or even have sex.
Seriously woman, this is not the time to do it! But instead of pissing her off by ignoring her or saying shut up and having to deal with her grumpiness later, open your phone to a shopping site and say "If you give me this half hour of peace, I will buy any one thing you really like!"
Now you can't use this often but for that crucial last overs of a cricket match or the over time of a soccer match, etc. use it wisely!
You can block your card later if it's above your budget.
2. When 'marriage' comes up
If you don't want to get married to her, you need to tell her, "I'm not ready to get married yet. I need 3-6 months to figure our relationship out."
If you are still not ready to get married after a year of dating you need to tell her from behind the bathroom wall:
"Baby I don't think I'm the marriageable type. I think you deserve better. It will be okay if you move on."
Remember to take your phone and all other valuables and stay there for at least two hours before venturing out or you could be in big trouble.
3. When she wants to come to your boys' night out
A woman can't imagine why you need time away from her when you spend all your time at work anyway.
Most clingy girlfriends don't have a hectic social life.
You're their entire life.
So she will want to spend all her free time with you.
You need to tell her gently: "I am stuck in a meeting with my boss who insists I have a drink with him later. It's my job to do as he says!"
There is no easy way to make it up than lie if she won't let you go out.
You can also use "My best friend is getting married and needed me to have a drink and console him."
Or
"A really troubled childhood buddy wanted some advice on his relationship and I couldn't say no."
4. When she wants to delete your porn
Women can't understand why you need to watch porn when you have them in your life.
You cannot tell her, "Woman, you cannot look like a slutty nurse so leave the hard drive alone!"
So again, be tactful and explain to her that for you love, sex and romance are the same things.
The romance books she reads or the Shah Rukh Khan movies she makes you watch with her are as shocking to you as porn is to her.
If she gives that up completely, you'll give up the porn.
Say "No! You first, darling,"
*Smile sweetly!*
5. When she wants your FB password
She will tell you that you need to share everything with her once you're in a relationship, including your passwords.
But beware, once a woman goes into your social media sites, she will pour over the photos of every woman on your Friends or Following list and question you till you will want to commit suicide.
There is an easy way to get out of this.
You need to ask her for something in exchange.
You want to share passwords?
What's the password to your online banking account?
If she doesn't have an online account, tell her to make a will leaving you everything that her daddy is leaving her
Sharing is caring after all, isn't it?!
;-P
ALSO READ Words of advice from Love Guru
Lead photograph: Laina Morris/Screen grab