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Maintaining intimacy during these difficult times is not about how often you get to have sex, says Leena Paranjpe.
It is about how each couple can adapt to the crisis by coming together rather than thinking of separation.
Right from financial issues, infidelity to sharing household chores, today’s millennial couples are facing issues in marriage.
When the lockdown started, initially the couples were coping-up with each other very well but week after week things got worse and now the couples are just stuck with one another.
There is no other option but to restore your relationship. Even though the couples want to file for divorce the courts are closed. You need to sit still.
Giving up is easy and holding on requires patience. Restoring and working on your relationship to fix your marriage is not the punishment.
During the outbreak in China, earlier in the year, one could observe the "rising cases of divorces" once the lockdown was lifted. The Marriage Registration Office in Berlin district in China recorded 14 divorce cases in a single day from March 2 and till March 25, a total of 208 cases of divorce had been filed.
In India, Lawyered.in, an online legal services firm reported a 20% spike in divorce queries during the lockdown.
There have been rising cases of millennial couples fighting on petty as well as serious issues in the last couple of weeks seeking help to fix their marriage.
These are challenging times for everyone, especially couples and it will impact the emotional and physical relationship. For couples that are in high-conflict marriages this is the high time to take an interest in the family’s sense of safety and security.
If the couples find support in each other the financial impact and other challenges caused by the lockdown can be resolved.
This may be the perfect opportunity for all couples to experience their emotional and physical relationship with compassion and love.
Maintaining intimacy during these difficult times is not about how often you get to have sex. It is about how each couple can adapt to the crisis by coming together rather than thinking of separation.
While this is a challenging time for many marriages, here are some tips to follow in order to maintain a healthy relationship and a strong bond:
1. First and foremost, couples should set aside some time to talk about what is going on in the world right now.
This will help them come up with coping strategies for present and future reference that will see them through this difficult time.
2. In your conversation, take turns sharing the issues that are troubling you.
Do not dismiss your partner’s concerns or try to fix them. Instead think of listening as an opportunity to get to know your partner better.
3. Once your partner has finished sharing, simply respond with thank you for sharing.
Only after you both have shared turn your attention to practical matters and solutions. While doing so, prioritise working together as a team.
You need to face the challenges together if you want to strengthen your marriage during such difficult times.
4. Learn to encourage your spouse when they are sad and discouraged.
Let your spouse know that they can count on you in good and bad times.
Treat your spouse the same loving way that you want to be treated.
Try to swim through your relationship in a lovelier, safer and happier way.
May the marital bonds grow deeper and stronger and we defeat COVID-19 soon.
Leena Paranjpe is a certified marriage coach. She can be contacted on ga@rediff.co.in.