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Relationships do not happen in an instant or even post couple of meetings, says Shalini Singh.
Avoid comparing your relationship with that of others as you see on social media or otherwise.
In our 30’s and beyond we are more in control of our emotions than we were in our 20’s.
So what does it take to meet ‘the one’ and grow the relationship towards commitment?
Here are some tips to help:
1. Be open to meeting people
Tell friends and family about being open to allowing someone special in your life -- it’s about sending a message to the universe which will contrive to make what you wish for happen.
Also help yourself by signing up onto responsible matchmaking platforms.
2. Be patient, do your homework
Take time in knowing your interest before introducing them to your family and friends.
Try and participate in both fun and mundane activities with your interest.
These could range from sharing a hobby to going for a vacation to grocery shopping.
3. Do invest in real- time conversations
Make an effort to meet often.
A relationship is not built on text messages, WhatsApp or e-mails.
Once you are in a relationship, you may tend to take each other for granted. Do not forget to make efforts in doing things for each other.
4. Do not assume anything
Have constructive conversations; share what is important for you, learn about what is important to your interest and then conclude on how to take the relationship ahead.
This would help in reducing emotional heartburn.
Remember relationships do not happen in an instant or even post couple of meetings.
One has to invest in them as they are built over time and will always remain as work-in-progress.
Avoid comparing your relationship with that of others as you see on social media or otherwise.
5. Do not judge easily
Do not succumb under any judgement from people for being single in your 30’s or beyond.
There could be several reasons for being single because being in a relationship calls for responsibility for which one may have not been ready earlier.
There is also a likelihood that there were other life priorities that needed attention, so investing in a relationship was put on the back-burner.
It is also possible that despite being open to being in a relationship, the special one was yet to be found prior to your 30’s.
6. Do not create a long list of relationship deal-breakers
It’s important to have expectations from the prospect partner as well as from the relationship but be conscious and reasonable about what they are.
Remember no-one is perfect, not even you (who is reading this piece).
7. Do not doubt your interest
Your partner may not be available always when you try to reach him/her.
S/he may be spending time with friends or even his/her ex.
Avoid stressing and feeling insecure about it.
If you feel their absence or unavailability bothers you, communicate and be open to trusting them when they respond.
8. Don't forget your own life
Remember that you two had a life before you met each other.
Do not forget that life, which includes your family and friends.
Continue investing in them along with giving time to your relationship.
9. Realise that you may not be invited everywhere
Do not expect your partner to invite you to participate in all activities they do during the courtship or when you are new in a relationship.
You need to remember you both are two individuals and have different interests which is OK to pursue individually.
Do respect him/her for who they are.
10. Be respectful
In case you get bothered by a trait about the partner, convey it without any insult.
Allow time for reflection as they would surely make an effort to correct the annoying trait if they respect you enough.
11. Keep that phone aside
Do not let your mobile or other electronic devices take over your life, more so when the interest is in a conversation with you.
No one likes to feel ignored.
12. Avoid reacting to difficult situations
Put yourself in your partner's shoes; trust them and realise they did their best in the situation they were in.
Even when you are upset, calm yourself and be in control of what comes out of your mouth.
It is absolutely fine to be upset which can be conveyed in a respectful manner.
In short, enjoy the journey of companionship, laugh a lot, support each other without biases and experience the relationship grow strength to strength month on month.
Do not overthink, do not assume, always keep the communication channels open and overcome the challenges.
Remember a perfect partner is what you make out of the partnership.
Shalini Singh is founder of andwemet.com, a global matchmaking platform for single urban Indians over the age of 30 years.
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