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It is not your job to help her move on from a relationship that she chose to break.
You don't owe your ex-partner your unconditional support, counsels rediffGURU Ravi Mittal.
How does one deal with uncertainty in a relationship?
Is it normal to fall in love with a stranger you met online?
What do you do if the girl you want to marry only wants to be friends?
What is the right way to deal with an extramarital relationship that is emotional, not physical?
rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, the CEO and founder of QuackQuack and an expert on dating and relationships, can answer your questions.
Hello, I am 42 male, met a woman 33 for a marriage discussion through my parents' arranged marriage set up.
We started talking and after talking thought there were some aspects we admired about each other and found that both of us were complementary to each other -- one person's strengths was the other's weakness. But we both have different life perspectives as well.
However, she seems to have been hurt deeply from the previous marriage and has animosity and anger toward certain types of people and certain situations.
She goes into extreme uncontrolled anger when those topics are discussed, her trust in people seems to be too low.
After one month she said this relationship cannot be taken to marriage citing my past medical history as a high-risk factor.
I said fine and was happy to move on.
She says though it is a NO, she has invested emotionally and needs time to move on, so until then, I should continue to talk to her as a friend.
So I continued talking (over the phone only).
After a few months when I got scolded during her regular outbursts, I decided to stop and move on. But she pleaded and told me that I should help her by being her friend and motivating her until she finds a job. She had resigned six months ago to heal from depression.
I am in a dilemma if I should continue to support her or if it is best to move on with no contact, though it may be painful to her.
Dear Anonymous, it's amazing that you are supporting her through the break-up but aren't we forgetting that you broke up too?
I'm sure it must have been hard on you too.
It is not your job to help her move on from a relationship that she chose to break.
It's unfortunate that people have hurt her in the past but, again, the onus is not on you to fix it.
You tried fixing something you did not break and that's awesome but don't break yourself in the process.
If there were unresolved issues, the best course of action would have been to work on them first and get into a relationship later.
You have done as much as you can but if it is too much for you or you simply don't want to continue talking her through the break-up, you can stop right away.
You don't owe your ex-partner your unconditional support. Please understand that.
Anonymous: I met a girl online who is my friend of friend.
We were talking since 1.5 years and I love to talk with her for hours.
I used to make her laugh on my funny jokes and one day she confessed her feelings for me.
I also told her I like her.
It's been five months now after the confession we haven't met yet and she is doing her job.
I am currently preparing for GATE exam and I am likely to pursue MTech in the future.
She is madly attached to me.
Sometimes I don't know how can you love a person you haven't met yet?
She keeps asking sometimes about marriage and I keep saying 'We haven't met yet so please be patient till the time!'
Is early commitment without seeing/spending time with the one is fair? And does getting into relationship mean commitment?
I am really scared sometimes as I haven't experienced it before.
Dear Anonymous, it's great to know that you have connected so well with a person.
Meeting in person is important but that does not mean this connection doesn't hold equal weight.
You two seem well in sync and this can be the start of something great.
Of course, you cannot commit or propose marriage without meeting her in real life but you can commit to meeting soon.
Make a realistic plan of meeting each other and spending a considerable amount of time together in person.
If things still go just as well as your online interactions, there would be no room for doubt anymore.
Remember, in today's day and age, a lot of people fall in love online.
Yes, their relationship becomes a RELATIONSHIP only when they meet IRL. But the falling in love part can happen through the online interaction. It isn't uncommon anymore.
Hi, I am a well-settled professional aged 45 having two children and leading a happy married life.
After 20 years, since and due to Covid 19 I meet my first but undisclosed love from before marriage.
She is also married and has one kid and a cool life.
We never got physical, but we are very attached emotionally.
The relationship empowers and delights both of us.
We never tried to meet or take advantage of each other.
We exchange messages daily and occasionally make phone calls.
Sometimes, she hints this relationship as wrong.
Is this wrong?
Should we try to discontinue this?
Please guide.
Dear Anonymous, is there any reason why connecting or interacting with her feels wrong at times?
Do you have romantic feelings for her? Does your wife know that you have reconnected with an undisclosed ex-love?
I think you can figure out why it feels wrong if you are honest with yourself.
Whether you should discontinue this relationship or not depends on how you feel about her and where you see yourself with her. But all of that is secondary.
First, take some time to reflect.
Maybe put yourself in your wife's shoes and imagine if she had reconnected with an old love without your knowledge. How would you feel, regardless of how innocent and pure the relationship is?
I think that should also give you some clarity.
I hope you will do the right thing once you figure it out.
Disclaimer: All content and media herein is written and published online for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. It should not be relied on as your only source for advice.
Opinions expressed herein cannot necessarily provide advice to fit the exact specifics of the issues of the person requesting advice.