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Marriage should not stop us from having close friends of the opposite gender, says rediffGURU Shalini Singh, dating coach and founder, andwemet.
Are you single, widowed, divorced and looking to start a new relationship?
What do you do when you are in love with a married person?
Do you need expert dating advice?
rediffGURU Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas.
Anonymous: Is it okay for a single woman to text a married man who is interested in her?
Absolutely. It's OK.
What does your relationship status have to do with knowing or keeping friends?
But wait, is the married man interested in the single woman and is she interested in him?
If you want my opinion, then everything is okay. You are adults and you both know what you are doing.
Having said this, I'd like to ask you a question: Once in a relationship, will this single woman be okay to have her partner send romantic texts to other women (single or not)? And will this 'once upon a time' single woman be okay to send romantic texts to other men?
We make our own rules so you decide how you want to take your life ahead.
Anonymous: I am 51, male, a widower who is new to dating.
My wife passed away three years ago.
My daughter is studying abroad in the USA.
Can you please guide me on how to find a partner or a friend who I can trust or maybe go on a friendly date?
Sorry to hear about losing your partner.
There are ways you can meet new people; I will suggest them here:
1. Let your well-wishers know you are open to meeting someone.
2. Sign up online.
3. Be a part of activity clubs and find someone like-minded.
As for trusting someone, it takes months to come to that; it depends on how honest you are with each other and how you treat each other.
Hi, Shalini Ji, I have been married since 2007. For the last 18 years, my life has been going very well and we both have a good understanding.
We both take care of our family and two kids very well.
Last year I came to know that before marriage my wife had a male friend.
This male friend usually met and shared gossip with my wife.
According to my wife, he even took her to his room a couple of times as they were good friends.
My wife had no feelings for the guy but one day he said he wanted to marry her.
He told her that he had been heartbroken by his old girlfriend and now since my wife was listening to him very carefully he'd started liking her.
My wife continued meeting him.
One day he asked her to visit her home to discuss marriage but my wife rejected his proposal.
After that, this man went out of station and did not meet her.
My wife says I did not like him and that she does not have any feelings for this man.
She said 'My first love is my husband only.'
I am not able to decide anything now.
I am not able to sleep properly or focus on my health or work.
I am very shocked to know how the girl I loved, met with another man in the past, why she went outdoors and to his room in the past.
I have been very upset for the past year now.
I am not able to find any solution.
What to do now? How to live life ahead? Pls guide me.
While I usually comment on dating and how to find your person, I would like to comment on this:
1. Based on what you have shared, you are overthinking and ruining what you have had for 18 years.
The fact that your wife decided to stay with you and invest in the relationship with you proves that she cares for you and the relationship so stop being upset.
Be kind to yourself, to her and to the relationship.
2. On another note, marriage should not stop us from having close friends of the opposite gender.
3. If you are married, it means you are an adult which means if two adults consent to adultery, it's their responsibility to accept it.
Let's say if you are attracted to a woman and go all the way; it's not the woman who has lured you. Both are in their senses and know what they are doing.
4. Yes, even after marrying or being in a committed relationship you can and will find others attractive and you will be found attractive by others. It's up to you and only you as to how you wish to act if such a situation arises.
As I mentioned earlier, you are an adult and someone who cannot think but also overthink so you decide how to act in such a situation.
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