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"If you want to keep your wife happy, pay full attention to her needs
"If you think your family and present life should not be disturbed, stay away from any extra-marital relationship.
In a weekly chat with readers every Thursday, Rediff's Love Guru addresses their relationship problems and offers solutions.
For those who missed the chat on March 12, 2015, here's the transcript!
pqrstuv: Hi, I have an affair with my co-worker but a married girl. We used to enjoy many a times based on her dates and most of the time unprotected. Now marriage is fixed for me. Do i need to take test or i need to know whenther i can confess this to my would-be. pls help.
Love Guru: pqrstuv, do you think the woman you have been in a relationship is infected that you feel the need to undergo a test? What gave you that impression?
If you were not getting married, would you still think of doing the test? And about telling your fiancee, it's up to you, that's a path fraught with various risks so please evaluate the pros and cons before doing it
ALLAN FERNANDES: I am 30 and unable to marry? I have tried matrimonial websites like Simple Marry, Christian Matrimony etc., but no success. I am orphan living a rootless existence from the past 6 years since my mom, granny aunt died. I have no other family members left, who are there are as good as dead. They are jealous of me bcos my mom worked in Govt. job and left good money .
Love Guru: Allan Fernandes, what can one say except to keep looking?
There's no predictabiilty about matters of the heart, and things may fall in place at the least expected time. Matrimony is not something that people rush into, and I'd advise you to not lose heart or your patience.
Baskar K: I had an affair my mother's sister. Initially rejecting, she has said yes but we are worried whether there will be any legal issues with me marrying her... At that time you had answered that it is kind of incest, but I love her deeply and want to marry her... Can anyone help with an answer... ? I need an answer quick as she is pregnant (we found out last week)...
Love Guru: Baskar, I am not sure if your marriage can be legal. I think it could fall under the "degrees of prohibited relationship" of Hindu Marriage Act, but you should check with a competent lawyer about this before you proceed
Manish Aggarwal: Sir I'm just falling in love wid my office staff ...i just nt able to control my self .. and she is also coming close to me.. we both r in love..and we both r married. Wh should we do now
Love Guru: Manish Aggarwal, if you want to ruin your existing life, you can continue on the path you are tempted to go on. If you think your family and present life should not be disturbed, stay away from any extra-marital relationship. Especially, one with a colleague, married one at that, is fraught with issues. The choice is yours
Damodaran: How to keep wife happy?
Love Guru: Damodaran, by paying full attention to her needs and getting distracted by other factors.
PSV SHARMA: I am married in love with married woman both r good what to do? sharma
Love Guru: PSV Sharma, I am tempted to say, get your head checked. You can continue with your present life if you want it to become complicated and complex. But if you don't want to create problems for everyone, it is best you take a decision one way or the other.
Md-Aadil Nasim: she is from another caste, so I can't tell about her to my family
Love Guru: Md-Aadil Nasim, you had asked me this question last week and I had replied to it. Why are you asking the same thing again?
Raman Kumar: hello my name is raman from delhi i am divorce mani like one lady but I am unable express my feling to her
Love Guru: Raman Kumar, you are not an adolescent any more, so why are you behaving like one? What's the problem with expressing yourself?
Prince Talukdar: Hi my name is raju my problem when i met my brother's gf for the first time I fell in love with her and i think she also liked me. after somedays we started messaging in watsapp and our friendship grew and we started meeting .. I am in a very big problem now my brother said he is eager to marry her. what should i do?
Love Guru: Prince Talukdar, you've not done right by your brother at all. I hope he has a heart big enough to forgive you, but don't be surprised if he doesn't.
It was wrong on your part to mess with his girlfriend. Through this mess you've managed to create for all the three of you, what does his girlfriend have to say? What does she want to do?
Yasmin: Hi lG, I was in a relation with a boy , we broke up 2 years back now i am in love with his friend , and i want to propose him but im feeling awkward, coz my ex was his close friend, please help what to do?
Love Guru: Yasmin, that's an awkward situation to be in, and there could be further awkwardness ahead as well, if you both get together.
It is awkward not just for you but for your possible partner and his friend as well. It's a situation that calls for maturity in all the three of you, and I hope that's not something that's in short supply
Shaishav: LG, please give some tips how to handle a GF with complex personality?
Love Guru: Shaishav, has it ever struck you that everyone is a complex personality? It is not like someone is easy-going and someone else is not. We tend to see people from afar and decide what their personality is like; it is when we get closer and discover them that we realise someone is complex. The fact is, everyone has complexities. So don't go about expecting something that does not exist
Hardik: HI LG, I proposed a girl and she said yes to me, I will be taking her on a date please help me with some suggesstions, coz I want that day to be very special
Love Guru: Hardik, special is how you make it, special is not where you take her or what you do etc. So go ahead, and do the best you can, I am sure she will see it for what it is and appreciate it.
Rahul: LG my gf broke up with me two months back, its really hard for me, please help how do I move on, how do I get rid of her thoughts from my mind and heart?
Love Guru: Rahul, there's no prescription to get over a broken relationship, it happens over time.
Some people take a long time to get over it, while others take less time.
A change of scenery may help, have you tried going away on a holiday to some place? How about taking up a hobby or something like that?
Vijay: Hi LG im studying in junior college, I really like a girl and I'm looking forward to propose her,this is my first time, please give me some advice how do i go forward?
Love Guru: Vijay,I hope before proceeding in the matter you have made sure that she is single too, and likes you?
I say this because often, men tend to misread signals and end up creating problems. If both these issues are clear, go ahead, but also be open to the idea that while she may like you, she may also not be willing to have a relationship with you or at this stage.
Kunika: Does out of caste marriage have problems at a later stage?
Love Guru: Kunika, there is no general rule as such. Even non-out of caste marriages can have problems at a later stage, problems of another kind. But why do you ask?
Rajat: Is Good job, money and property important than love, why do many people give importance to all these things apart from love?
Love Guru: Rajat, different strokes for different people. Why do people eat different foods? It's each to their own rules by which they live their lives.
After all, we all cannot be uniform in our values, likes dislikes, can we? If that were the case, the world would be such a monochromatic place!
Max: Hi I'm in a relation with a girl, for the last few days i'm getting a feeling that she is cheating on me with another boy, how can I find out?
Love Guru: Max, that's not a nice situation to be in. Is that just a "feeling" or do you know it for a fact?
If, as you say, it's a feeling, there's also the possibility that you could be wrong. So, lest you come off as the suspicious sort who misreads even innocent things, proceed carefully. Share the reasons why you have this feeling with your partner and discuss it with her. Give her a chance to explain?
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
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Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change)