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'Some people do not have the emotional maturity to say a simple NO or speak their truth,' points our rediffGURU Ravi Mittal.
Have you ever been blocked by someone you love on social media?
Do you still have feelings for your ex who has moved on?
How do you deal with a partner who ghosts you?
rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, the CEO and founder of QuackQuack, an online dating platform, can help. He is an expert on dating and relationships.
Hi, I am 26 years old, working in an MNC, earning decent enough for me and my family.
I had a breakup in my early 20s with my long-term girlfriend from my school days, and since then I have been single.
Last year I met a girl at the office gym, she works in a different department.
We both speak the same language so she approached me and my friend and gave her number. Then we became good friends and used to hang out.
Even though she had a boyfriend, she used to get jealous seeing me with other female friends.
Three months ago, her BF married some other girl in his caste and dumped her.
She had a physical relationship with her BF as she told but I never had a physical with anyone.
She used to come and cry in front of me and asked me once as well whether I loved her or not.
I ignored her as I knew she was just seeing me as an option.
Nowadays she is avoiding me a lot giving excuses like she is busy and all and I feel she went into a relationship and just breadcrumbing me because of attention.
I also stopped giving her free attention and barely called. But my heart still misses her.
I know I don't love her and don't wanna be with her in the future as she is very manipulative but being very lonely myself with no friends she used to fill a void in my life.
I want her presence and attention and maybe want to do physical with her casually as she is the type of girl who can get laid easily with someone she likes.
What shall I do?
I am unable to move on from this and it is affecting my career.
Also, I want a stable relationship with whom I can have a good future.
Dear Anonymous, the answer to your question is right there in the question.
You do not want her; you want her attention which will feed your ego. It's not love and you know it.
If you pursue a casual or serious relationship, chances are one or both of you will get hurt.
Now, you mentioned that you want a stable relationship. You should start by focusing on that.
One more thing, it is not up to us to judge someone and call them names like 'the type of girl.'
Wanting to hook up with her casually because you think she'll let you should then make you 'that type of boy.'
These are baseless labels and it's best not to hurl these insults at people.
Focus on yourself.
Find a date. You can ask your friends to set you up, or family or you can try out a dating app.
Mention that you want a serious relationship; it can increase your chances of finding the right match.
Around 2022, I got a marriage proposal from a mutual acquaintance of a guy who is also known to my family.
At that time I was in a relationship with someone else so my family told me that I was currently focusing on my studies. But recently, I have been single and saw his account on social media.
We started chatting with each other and I realised that we are compatible in many aspects. But after some days my mother started pressuring me that they would start to see marriage prospects for me.
Also, I felt that he also felt the same for me because of how he talked to me... So out of pressure, I asked him and told him about my feelings for him and told him why it would be profitable if we considered ourselves as a couple.
He said that he has a lot of pressure from his family to settle for a well-paying job (though he is working in a private company)and also wants to focus on his passion.
He had broken his heart twice. However, he assured me that he was not saying NO and also he would think over this proposal and would give me an answer. But the next day I saw he blocked me from social media.
I would have appreciated it if he had an open communication with me as I had the same. He is now 27 and I am 23.
Dear Anonymous, I am very sorry to hear that you had to go through this.
Some people do not have the emotional maturity to say a simple NO or speak their truth.
He might not have wanted to make things awkward or thought he was sparing you some pain but ultimately that isn't the case.
But the important thing to remember here is that his action reflects on him and what kind of a person he is; it does not highlight your worth.
I know it hurts right now, but it will get better and you will find someone who loves you.
I met a guy in an arranged marriage setup. We both are divorcee. We both talked for more than an hour.
I liked the way he explained his work.
After the meeting, my father called him to know his opinion and he didn't respond.
I messaged to clear some technical doubts because we both work in the same sector and I wanted to learn those new technologies. He replied properly.
What should I think? Does he like me? Or is he just helping me?
Dear Anonymous, it is difficult to tell what is going on in someone's mind and it is better not to assume.
The best thing to do here would be to ask him directly.
You are both adults. There is no harm in asking him if he likes you or if he sees any future with you.
It would help you avoid misinterpretation and waste your time.
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