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It's always better to talk things through and come to a mutual agreement than to go behind someone's back to get what you want, advises rediffGURU Anu Krishna.
Can lack of physical intimacy justify having an extramarital relationship?
What can you do if your spouse refuses to grant you divorce by mutual consent?
rediffGURU Anu Krishna, who is a mind/life coach and NLP trainer with over 18 years of experience in helping people understand and solve their problems, is the co-founder of Unfear Changemakers.
She offers expert advice about how you can take charge of your life and relationships.
I am married for 20 years and have a 13 year old daughter, there is no physical connection with my wife for the last 10 years.
I have got into a relationship twice in last eight years. The first one didn't go through.
I am in my second relation now which I want to take it ahead for the rest of my life.
My wife knew about my first relationship and she has a doubt about my second relation.
Considering the non co-operation in household activities and marital responsibilities, I decided to call it quits and asked for divorce.
She is adamant and is not willing to give a divorce.
She says if she divorces me I will remarry and it should not happen.
She thinks I should suffer as she is also suffering. Our parents tried their level best to patch up but in vain.
I am staying alone, separately from a year.
What should be the next step in trying for mutual consent for the divorce?
Dear Anonymous, this may sound a bit harsh and judgemental to you but if there was trouble in the marriage, was it not possible to actually have a conversation with your wife about it?
After two relationships outside of marriage to escape the trouble, how did you assume that your wife is going to be excited about the prospect of a divorce?
It's always better to talk things through and agree mutually rather than go behind someone's back to get what you want.
The best option since you have mentioned divorce is to contact a lawyer and proceed as per their advice.
Hi Anu Mam. I'm 27 yrs old ( married) and have a 10 year old daughter. I am separated from my husband since two years due to several reasons.
He is addicted to drinking and is totally dependent on it. Even today, he is roaming on the roads of some street in Hyderabad.
I belong to an orthodox family. There is a 33 year old backward caste man who is married. He is interested in me and proposed me for marriage after knowing my past.
He said he will accept my child as well.
The thing is he lied to me at first that he is unmarried. Still I had a good impression about him -- the way he behaves with me. He treated me in a very polite manner.
He says he loves me. But I am worried about our caste. Can we both settle down in a marriage?
Can we be happy or do you think he is only trying to convince me to get him a wife who can care for him or his parents.
He always talks about his sister. He also treats his colleagues like his sister and gets emotional about those who leave the office.
He cries a lot. I don't trust him. When I look at his face, I realise that it's not real, it looks like he is putting up an act which I don't like about him.
May be he is acting? Or does he really love me? He cares a lot but I feel like he is over reacting.
Dear Anonymous, if you are in doubt, then it's highly likely that he is putting on an act. Go with your intuition and hey hey, you said that he is married and so are you.
You do realise that you just can't go ahead and marry while you are already to other people, right?
Focus on what's happening in your life; you obviously have to do something about it... Other relationships can wait!
Work: What does it mean to hear voices in the head?
One voice tells to do challenging things or things we want to do and the other says leave it! Stay where you are in that zone.
And there are many other voices example, for socially introverted persons (especially when attracted by someone) one voice tells 'Go and talk. Even if you fail no one is going to kill you.'
And the other says 'Leave it.'
Why do we hear two voices? How to deal with it?
Dear Work, voices in the head step in to give you different perspectives.
One will ask you to dream, one will put in doubts to almost protect you.
Use the doubt to actually challenge them and then grow.
Instead of being fearful or being stuck, use that voice of doubt to grow and then build on your goals.
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