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Relationship problems? Let Love Guru help.
If you are facing relationship issues -- and if you are in a relationship, you're facing issues -- we have someone you can discuss them with freely.
Meet Rediff.com's Love Guru, who says, 'I've been told I give some pretty great advice. And some people think I'm funny, so if I can give you a laugh or two after your girlfriend stuck a fork in your face, why the hell not?'
So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Ask Love Guru).
If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.
Dear Love Guru,
My friend's boyfriend is hitting on me.
He sexts me and calls and when I meet him with my friend, he behaves very odd.
My friend is very much in love with him and I don’t have the heart to tell her.
The BF is very creepy and I don’t want to deal with him.
What can I do? She needs to know that he is the wrong guy.
Regards,
Jasmine
So Jasmine, if you won't tell her and I can't tell her, who will tell her?!
You need to let your friend know about this creep and you need to do it asap. Who knows, the weirdo could well twist things around to say you're the one pursuing him if things don't work out the way he wants them to?
Not to mention that your friend deserves better. Tell her the truth and show her the messages if need be -- don't let down her trust in you.
I just hope she has the wherewithal to dump his sorry ass and doesn't "give him another chance," because people with such loose morals seldom change.
Dear Love Guru,
Gettting married in a few months to a girl I really love.
But she comes from a very wealthy biz family.
I am from a simple middle-class background but have worked hard and earn well.
Even if our love is mutual and unites our hearts, her way of living is totally unlike mine.
And her parents make me feel uncomfortable and that she is marrying beneath her and I am interested in her for her family’s money.
How do I convey this problem to her?
If I sit quiet it can fester later.
What do I say to her parents when they are almost rude?
B.
Hi B,
No matter how wealthy your to-be in-laws are, money doesn't give them license to look down their noses at you. You say you're hard working and earn well, surely they know that too!
Sit them down and apprise them of the fact that their rude manner has not gone unnoticed. Be polite but firm. If they were born into money then they've hardly achieved anything, and if they started from scratch like you have, well, surely they should commend you for following in the same footsteps toward making a life for yourself and their daughter?
Tell them that it's best that they make peace with the marriage so that relations are not strained in the future.
If they have no consideration for your feelings, at the very least their daughter's should matter to them.
Dear Love Guru,
I have put my profile on the shaadi sites.
But I don’t want to marry like that.
I am looking for love.
What can I do?
Sincerely,
Looking for Love
Dear Looking for Love
Well, if you're looking for love, then there's no harm in looking on the Internet too, is there?
You don't have to marry someone based off their profile, you can meet new people and if you find someone interesting, take it forward.
Nobody is forcing you into virtual wedded bliss!
Dear Love Guru,
I am 30 and have not been able to find a partner.
So have agreed to look at bridegrooms my parents suggest and consider an arranged marriage.
What kind of questions do you think I should ask the men I meet on our ‘arranged dates’.
Thank you,
Manali
Dear Manali,
Arranged or not, there has to be some initial attraction or interest when you meet all these would-be Romeos.
The manner of a person matters; how well-spoken he is, how open, honest, good-humoured.
You could ask what expectations he has of marriage and a life partner, for a start? Personal beliefs, religious beliefs, political affiliations... all of these are important when you're considering spending the rest of your life with a person.
Speak freely, and know that conversation is the way to go, not a QnA session Kaun Banega Crorepati style!
And most importantly, do not settle for someone. Please note, I'm saying it again -- some kind of spark should be there in order to pursue things.
Dear Love Guru,
I am 28. We had a love marriage. But I don’t love him.
My parents were pushing me to marry all the time. He was my good friend.
Now I feel trapped living out a lie.
I love him dearly but I am not in love with him.
Is it wrong to continue a marriage based on falseness.
Plz help.
Regards,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
How about that? A love marriage without love!
You sound fond of your husband. And yet you say you feel trapped in the marriage; what you are leaving unsaid, I think, is that you feel attraction toward someone else perhaps?
I understand your situation and I'm sorry that your parents pressured you into what was obviously a hasty decision that you have come to regret. Having said that, please know this: Even couples who fancy themselves in the throes of eternal love sometimes fall out of love and part ways. They stop getting along with each other.
Or then in other cases, the initial spark dies down, and people settle into companionship and caring.
Don't get me wrong, it's always good to try and keep the romance alive in a marriage. But you seem to have what a lot of people are striving for -- a good relationship with someone who you get along with and do love, even if it's not the stuff of movies.
If you feel like you're unhappy, or destined to marry someone else, I say end it. If not, work on it. You can seek counselling too, to resolve your feelings about this situation.
Do remember, you could find someone else and then that new love may come with a different set of problems. You just need to figure it out, my dear. And you will, you just need to focus on what will make you happy. And if he makes you happy, don't walk away from the marriage.
This column is not for the psychologically disturbed, or those who need professional help for severe mental trauma. It's for those who can't discuss their issues freely with parents, or friends, or partner. Or dog. Or just want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual.
Maybe your partner is the problem? Or maybe you are the problem and just don't know it. And need Rediff.com's Love Guru to tell you just that.
So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Ask Love Guru).
If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.