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Relationship expert Dr Upneet Kaur offers advice on how to deal with conflicts in a relationship while staying in a joint family.
Are you married to someone who lives in a joint family?
Do you find it difficult to communicate with your in-laws?
How can you navigate conflicts when you live with elders after your marriage?
rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
She has been working as a medical officer since 2008 and practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor since 2022.
Anonymous: I am a 31-year-old woman, married for five years, with a three-year-old daughter and a one-year-old son.
I got married in 2019 at the age of 26 while my husband was 28. Both of us are entrepreneurs and have been running a coal business.
Unfortunately, when COVID hit in 2020, our business faced significant challenges and we have struggled to recover since then.
As a result, we moved in with my in-laws.
During this transition, I had my daughter and son.
We've been actively trying to start a new business but it hasn't quite come together yet.
My husband recently found a job that he loves, although it doesn't pay well enough to allow us to move out.
He seems content in this position because it's close to home and aligns with his passion. However, I feel frustrated because when I suggest that he look for a higher-paying job to improve our situation, he is hesitant. He's focused on pursuing what he loves.
Living with my in-laws has been challenging as our relationship has had its difficulties from the start.
I'm concerned that they are unintentionally affecting my children's perspective on parenting and they aren't able to care for the kids regularly so I can explore job opportunities, including remote work.
I often feel trapped and hopeless but recognise that leaving this situation isn't viable financially.
Returning to live with my parents is also not an option due to the complicated dynamics there.
Despite these challenges, I want to find a way to navigate my feelings of isolation and make progress.
I would appreciate any advice or constructive suggestions on how to improve our situation and create a more supportive environment for my family and myself. Thank you.
Hello ma'am. I am sorry to hear about the loss your business made during Covid. That was a very challenging time for all of us.
Let us focus on your problem now.
As you are living with your in-laws, I am sure your husband must be feeling very secure and happy.
On the other hand, you may be facing some challenges.
Differences of opinion always occur in joint families especially with respect to how the children are to be parented.
Your in-laws may want to raise your kids according to the way they think is best which can sometimes create conflicts between family members.
You can discuss the matter with your husband without blaming anyone.
With his help, you can talk to your in-laws and request them to support you a little bit so that you can also search for a job.
This will increase your satisfaction level and you will be happy in your family.
Think about it and try this out. I am sure it will work. Take care.
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