'I Was Deceived By A Married Colleague'

rediffGURU Shalini Singh, founder of andwemet, an online matching service, offers advice on how to deal with conflicting emotions in a relationship.

• You can post your dating and relationship questions to rediffGURU Shalini Singh HERE.

Have you been betrayed by someone you loved deeply?

How does one get over the guilt of being in a wrong relationship?

What are the qualities to look for in a partner before saying yes to marriage?

rediffGURU Shalini Singh, dating coach and founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service, offers advice on issues relating to love and compatibility when it comes to marriage, dating and more.

• You can post your dating and relationship questions to rediffGURU Shalini Singh HERE.
  
  

I am a 28-year-old woman considering an arranged marriage.
I recently met a 32-year-old man who seems like a nice person. I really liked his way of speaking, his career focus and his intelligence during our first meeting.
However, while I find his appearance average and somewhat appealing, my mother doesn't like his looks, especially his darker complexion.
I'm unsure whether to say yes or no. Could you please guide me?

You need to first decide what matters to you.

You are the one who will live with him and not your mom.

You need to think about what matters to you in the long term.

I am 23 years old. One of my ex-boyfriends, now married, informed me about a job opportunity at his company. I applied, got selected and he became my boss.
He had recently married and was living alone in Bangalore.
He made many things easier for me, even arranging flight tickets and hotels using the company's expenses.
From the first day I arrived in Mumbai, he kept telling me that he loved me, claiming he had no intimacy with his wife and that their marriage was forced. He said he couldn't live without me. One day, he visited my hotel and tried to kiss me and when I resisted, he said he had never touched his wife. He expressed that it was his dream to lose his virginity to me, that I was his first love and he would be happy with just one intimate moment with me.
He convinced me to such an extent that I gave in and we had s** that day.
Later, I discovered that he had taken pictures without my knowledge.
When I confronted him, he said he would look at them whenever he missed me. I was shocked and told him that taking pictures without my consent was wrong.
I immediately left the company and Mumbai within a few days.
It's been five years since this incident but I still feel immense guilt for being involved with a married man and for feeling like I helped him cheat on his wife.
He now has two children and seems to have a happy married life.
I am happily married now and have no contact with him but I keep blaming myself.
Was it all my fault? Did I betray his wife? Or was I the one who was deceived by a liar?

Was it your fault? At 23, you are an adult and someone who can make decisions. You decided to give in and allowed him to take photographs. It is not about fault but you gave consent.

Have you been deceived by a liar? Yes.

Did you betray his wife? He cheated on his wife and you cheated yourself.

Please ensure that you BLOCK him from all social media handles and your phone.

I am surprised that you are still tracking him.

Please get out of your guilt and focus on your life.

Hello, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past three years. He is younger than me by two years.
I am not sure if he is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. But he is ready to get married and his parents know about me.
His parents are asking me when will I get married?
I do not know how to take this forward. How will I know if he is the one?

Do you have your list of must-haves ready -- the qualities you aspire in your partner?

Ideally, it should be not more than seven.

If he meets them all, then go ahead and invest in him.

You will never know 'someone is the one' till you invest in the relationship.

Please keep in mind it takes two to make a relationship.

All the best.

• You can post your dating and relationship questions to rediffGURU Shalini Singh HERE.

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