 | « Back to article | Print this article |
Relationship problems? Let Love Guru help.
If you are facing relationship issues -- and if you are in a relationship, you're facing issues -- we have someone you can discuss them with freely.
Meet Rediff.com's Love Guru, who says, 'I've been told I give some pretty great advice. And some people think I'm funny, so if I can give you a laugh or two after your girlfriend stuck a fork in your face, why the hell not?'
So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Ask Love Guru).
If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.
Good evening... hope you are well.
Recently i got married to a girl where in initially she refused to be in any past relationship when asked.
We were engaged in 2020
A few days back i came across an fb account in her phone and the chats that my wife and her boyfriend were having. The chats were old and last was at December 2020.
There were several video calls done pics shared and in fact they were all late nite video chat. I have casually asked for her past relationship several times but she has always said no about it.
I have lost my sleep on it and don't know what to do. They were physical many times. Whether should i ask her sternly about this?
What should i do?.. Pls suggest
Lying to your spouse is a big no-no but, that said, let me tell you why women do when it comes to past relationships; they're afraid of being judged and vilified for it.
This ridiculously skewed attitude toward men doing what they like versus women doing the same is the problem; the latter are supposed to stay pure virgins till marriage.
Will you consider telling your wife you know about her past and you're okay with it? Are you man enough to do that? If so, then fine; if not, then remember that she cut off with her ex-boyfriend after getting married to you and it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.
You know what she did, you know why she's not telling you about it and you need to stop obsessing about her past. Let it GO.
Dear Love guru.
I love this girl very much. We have kept relationship for three years.
Now, she wants us marry but I know my parents won’t agree. They have first only told me they will choose my wife.
When I tried to break up with my girl because of this she cried very much. So I took the break up back.
Now I am stuck. My parents have started looking for a girl for me. I have not told my girl this. I have seen five girls and I have to choose one.
How to break up with my girl without her hurting or crying? I am trying to find a good boy for her.
please suggest anonymously.
Are you a man or a mouse?
When are you going to tell her you're breaking up with her? After your wedding?
And why did you date her for three years when you didn't have the gumption to make a standing commitment to her?
If you love this girl, grow a pair and marry her. If not, break up with her immediately.
And no, you can't break off without hurting her, so don't talk like an imbecile about finding her another guy; this isn't a puppy you're giving away.
I've known of many fools like you who give in to their parents' whims, then realise that marriage is not easy, particularly with a partner they don't know, have kids in the bargain and then revert to old ways with exes and ruin lives all around. All because they lack the guts to do the right thing in the first place.
I really don't think much of men like you!
Dear love guru
I had an arranged marriage four months ago.
My wife loves sex too much. She wants it every day, sometimes twice. She wants to see dirty pictures together too.
It is too much for me. I did not expect this in an arranged marriage. I told her once or twice it is too much but she says it is normal for a husband and wife.
She was a virgin at marriage so I cannot understand why she wants so much sex, only sex.
I want other things also like talking and going out and all that.
We are both working.
How to solve this problem? I am afraid if I don’t give her sex, she will have an affair.
This is something of a first... I usually have men writing in that their wives are not interested in sex and here you're complaining that she's too interested!
Aside from the humour in the situation, I can understand that your libido isn't matching up and you're getting tired, so you need to let her know that it's getting a bit much for you.
Explain to her that sex shouldn't be compulsory or it stops being fun; she should allow for spontaneity and breaks in the schedule.
Also, the reason why she wants it so often is probably because, as you said, she's never had any sexual experiences before and now that she's married she wants to make the most of it.
I wouldn't get too worried if I were you. This is a phase and it will pass.
Dear love guru
My problem is I always get nervous around girls. My heart beats faster and I start sweating. I don’t know what to say or how to talk to impress them. If they are sexy, then there is a problem downstairs too which is too embarrassing.
How can I become confident and talk to girls. Other boys do it so easily.
The secret to talking to girls is not talking to girls -- talk to them as if they are boys.
What conversation would you have with a guy? Be normal, be cool, pretend the person is the same as you. That is sure to set any girl at ease.
As for the, err, 'downstairs' problem... stop getting physically close enough to set yourself off. Keep your distance and your mind on the conversation!
Dear Love Guru,
At the start, we were great together. Soon we became physical too.
But as time passed, I realised we are too different and want different things.
We will never be happy together.
But every time I try to talk to her about this, she accuses me of taking advantage of her for a physical relationship. I know that is not true.
I feel stuck. I know I have to end this in a good way but I don’t know how.
What do you advise?
Just because you were physical with her is no reason to be chained to this girl for life.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, not sex; and even then, those who cannot work through their marriages do get divorced.
She's using this guilt to keep you shackled and that isn't right.
Explain to her that things were great and you didn't go looking to take advantage of her, but now you're not getting along and you'd like to call time on this relationship.
It doesn't look like she's going to let you end things in a good way, but end them you must. Don't stay in a relationship that's making you unhappy for the wrong reasons.
This column is not for the psychologically disturbed, or those who need professional help for severe mental trauma. It's for those who can't discuss their issues freely with parents, or friends or partner. Or dog. Or just want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual.
Maybe your partner is the problem? Or maybe you are the problem and just don't know it. And need Rediff.com's Love Guru to tell you just that.
So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Ask Love Guru).
If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.
The questions and answers in this advisory are published to help the individual asking the question as well the large number of readers who read the same.
While we value our readers' requests for privacy and avoid using their actual names along with the question whenever a request is made, we regret that no question will be answered personally on e-mail.
Please note: All content and media herein is written and published online for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice. It should not be relied on as your only source for advice.
Please always seek the guidance of a qualified professional with any questions you may have about your relationships. Do not ever disregard the advice of a qualified professional, or delay in seeking it because of something you have read herein.
If you choose to rely on any information provided herein, you do so solely at your own risk.
Opinions expressed herein cannot necessarily provide advice to fit the exact specifics of the issues of the person requesting advice.