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For most of us, English is still a challenge. With all its irregularities, exceptions and rules, it is a very difficult language to master.
With that in mind, rediff.com presents our English Bloopers series. Here, we publish written and spoken mistakes spotted and sent to us by observant Get Ahead readers.
It's a great way to review the basics, clarify a few issues and share a laugh or two! So, stop by three times a week for another fresh batch of English Bloopers.
Today, we present a popular e-mail making its way around the Internet. The list contains humourous bloopers, zany gaffes and downright inappropriate usages of English from around the globe. Let's get started!
Private school:
No trespassing without permission.
Hotel bedroom, Japan:
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.
Doctor's surgery, Rome:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Hotel, Acapulco:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Hotel air conditioner instructions, Japan:
Cooles and heates: if you want condition of warm air in your room, please control yourself.
Zoo, Hungary:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
Restaurant, Nairobi:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.
River highway:
Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
Poster:
Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.
Restaurant:
Open seven days a week, and weekends too.
Automatic hand dryer in public lavatory:
Do not activate with wet hands.
Maternity ward:
No children allowed.
Cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
Restaurant menu, Switzerland:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Temple, Bangkok:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
Hotel bedroom, Thailand:
Please do not bring solicitors into your room.
Hotel brochure, Italy:
This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Hotel bedroom, Japan:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
Supermarket, Hong Kong:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Hotel, Moscow (opposite Russian orthodox monastery):
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
Newspaper, East Africa:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
Black Forest, Germany:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for this purpose.
Hotel, Zurich:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used
Laundry, Rome:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
Hotel bedroom, Moscow:
If this is your first visit to the user, you are welcome to it.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
Dentist's advertisement, Hong Kong:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
Airline, Copenhagen:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
And finally on gate outside our society compound:
Warning: trace passers not allowed
If you'd like to share common bloopers you come across when people speak/ write in English, do mail your list, along with their correct alternatives to englishbloopers@rediffmail.com -- we'll highlight them right here as a helpful guide to those trying to improve their English. Also, make sure you include your FULL NAME, AGE, OCCUPATION and the CITY you are based in.