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Mental health experts and counsellors highlight how to identify early signs of distress in children and what parents and peers can do to prevent someone from taking their life.
The number of Indian students contemplating ending their lives has significantly gone up over the years.
The Indian Institute of Technology's Joint Entrance Exam, the National Eligibility cum Entrance Test for admission into medical colleges, the Common Admission Test for admission into top MBA schools, state level entrance exams, individual entrance exams for colleges -- the list of entrance examinations in India is a long one.
The acceptance rate at some of India's top colleges? Less than 10 per cent!
Can we blame it all on academic pressure? Not entirely, feel experts.
Part 1 of this series -- The Silent Crisis Of Student Suicides -- looks at these issues.
Can student suicides be prevented in India?
"Suicidal thoughts should never come at the age of 15," says Anu Krishna, NLP practitioner, mental health coach and co-founder, Unfear Changemakers LLP.
Watch out for quiet, sudden changes
Suicide is always the last resort. According to experts, children will always drop hints that s/he is not happy with or about something.
"It could be in the form of sudden withdrawal from family or friends; reluctance to eat, sleep or perform daily chores."
"Watch out for a shift in sleep patterns," says Dr Ashish Sehgal, who has a PhD in neuro linguistic programming, with two decades of experience as a counsellor and transformational coach. "Are they sleeping too much? Or too little? Are they restless?"
A drastic change in how they talk about the future is also a red flag, warns Dr Sehgal. "If they stop making plans, or speak as if they have no future, pay close attention."
It might sound melodramatic but distressed children will show signs of what it might feel like if and when they are not around anymore.
"If you notice that a teen, friend or family member is constantly seeking validation in a nagging sort of way or quite the contrary -- suggesting an absent-minded attitude or a lack of interest in doing or performing something that s/he would usually volunteer for, it should be treated as an alarm bell.
A persistent feeling of sadness, poor health, mood swings and/or accumulated guilt is all manifestations of an unhappy child.
Signs of distress on social media
In the age of digital devices and anonymity, it is not unusual for youngsters to take to social media to express their angst or loneliness.
"Check your child's social media search history, feed and activity. Is s/he turning into a loner? Does s/he avoid phone calls and text messages from friends and loved ones?" says Professor Rajshree Pant, mother of a 19 year old who teaches physics to students from Classes 9 to 12 in Mumbai.
When you see a cryptic or unusual post or message, gently prod and ask if s/he is feeling alright and would like to talk about it.
What can teachers and coaching centres do?
1. Help students make informed choices: Coaching centres and educational institutes can act as counsellors to help children make informed choices.
"Instead of burdening children to prepare for multiple exams, you can evaluate the skillsets and help suggest the right study and preparation strategy. If the child is not inclined for a career in science, professors must inform and counsel the student and the parent," says Professor Pant.
2. Balance study hours: Students should not spend more than six to seven hours in a coaching centre, suggests Dr Dipankar Dutta, an associate professor in the computer science and engineering department at the University Institute of Technology in West Bengal.
3. Employ strict anti-ragging/bullying measures: Awareness initiatives and measures must be adopted to identify and prevent ragging and bullying by students and professors both on and off campus. Harassment in any form, physical or mental, should not be encouraged.
4. Break the stigma around mental health: Children should be provided a safe environment to express their concerns fearlessly without being judged or punished for it.
Peer support groups and student support communities can be of immense help.
What can parents do?
1. Be in constant touch with your children: When you are sending children away to remote places to study and prepare for their future, please make sure you are in constant touch with them.
2. Listen without fixing: "Sometimes, a student just needs to say, 'I am struggling,' without immediately hearing a solution. They need to know they are still valued, even on their bad days," Dr Sehgal explains.
3. Lower the weight of your expectations: When you tell your child s/he needs to find a job with X salary or get into a top college in the country so s/he can achieve that financial goal, you have already set your expectations on a higher plane without realising it or asking for their opinion.
4. Always keep the communication lines open: Allow your child to close the door of their room for privacy but to never keep the door locked for unnecessary reasons or for long periods when they are indoors.
Keep a spare key for emergencies.
5. Monitor their behaviour: Make suggestions that will keep them engaged and closer to you.
6. Suggest seeking professional help if needed: It's okay if you are not comfortable about discussing certain issues with your child and/or vice versa.
Tell them that help is available in the form of a professional counsellor or mental health expert who may be able to intervene and suggest a neutral solution to their situation.
7. Treat your child as a responsible adult: Your child may be 15 or 25 but s/he is mature enough to understand and respond if you can talk to them in a language that is appropriate for their age.
Do not hit or disrespect your child when they fail at something. "Please tell them it's okay to fail," says Anu Krishna.
8. Encourage learning from mistakes: It's okay if your child does not meet your expectations. It's never too late to start over.
Maybe your son or daughter never wanted to be an engineer/doctor/architect in the first place. Are you okay knowing that? Does this change anything between your child and you child?
"Ask your child s/he happy. If your child says 'No', listen to him/her," says Anu Krishna.
"At the end of the day, your child's life is the most important. As parents, it is our duty to provide our children a safe and secure environment to fall back on." Krishna reminds us, while adding, "Never live your dreams through your children."
"The mind is a powerful thing," says Dr Sehgal. "When it believes it has options, it finds solutions.
Sometimes, all it takes is for one person to remind them, "You have choices. You are more than this exam. You are not alone."
