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Are You Having An Emotional Affair?

By rediffGURU LOVE GURU
Last updated on: February 19, 2024 10:53 IST
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How to deal with an emotional affair?

Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com

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Anonymous: I am 52 year old married man with a good physique and working as a higher group executive.
For the last few months I am in a relationship with a married lady who works with me. She is next subordinate to me who is married and 40 years old.
In my married life, though I love my wife, she is keeping a distance from me and our relationship is not at all in good shape.
Also we are staying in separate houses.
I have a son who is 18 years old.
My extramarital partner is also not happy in her family life. She is very caring and has expressed her respect and affection for me.
I also care for her and I expressed my feelings to her.
We respect each other very much and feel good when we are together.
Our relationship is purely based on mutual respect and care. There is no physical attraction for each other except occasional hug with affection.
I do not know the future of our relationship. What should I do?
I tried to just move on but I am unable to do so. She also tried as she told me, but whenever we come across we could not resist to think again and again for each other. Please advise.

You are having an emotional affair, not a physical one.

You have a choice -- you say you love your wife, so one option is to try and salvage your marriage.

The other one is closing that chapter and moving on with your extramarital partner, but is she willing to do the same as well?

No point remaining stuck in limbo for years to come. Make a decision as to your future and move ahead.

 

Anonymous: I have had my heart broken severely a couple of years ago.
I used to be a fun person, but I have become angry and bitter. I don't think about the person a lot, but I feel being dumped after a long relationship is cruel.
I don't want to grow old and bitter.
Please tell me the best way to move on and go back to being my old jovial self.
Don't tell me to discover love again because that is not possible.

You're holding on to the past instead of looking to the future.

The more you dwell on these memories, no matter how much you have been wronged, the worse it will be for you and the situation won’t change.

It's time to stop nursing your wounds and block your thoughts unless they involve your present and future situations. Yoga and meditation may also help immensely in this regard.

 

Anonymous: My friend is in touch with a girl since last 13 years, she is 12 years younger to him.
They met at common friend's place and my friend start loving her.
At the time of their meeting, my friend was married and she was unmarried, but was in relationship with another guy.
After sometime, girl got married with his boyfriend with the help of my friend only. He got hurt but somehow helped her in getting married with the boy of her choice after some time the girl got divorced and my friend provided her emotional support she require to recover from this setback.
Over the period, she start demanding lot of stuff from my friend, like phones, watches, clothes, gold, etc.
She would call him, if she wanted to eat anything from outside. But on the other hand she is ignoring him, when she is with her friends and started behaving like a stranger.

She gives reasons like, you are too old for her company, what her friend think of her, etc.
My friend is attached emotionally with her very much and dancing on her tunes.
My friend shares everything with me and I know, he would go mad, if she even stops talking with him.
Many a times, I tried to discuss this with my friend, but he is in total control of her.
He told me, 'I would continue to help her,' so she would keep talking with him.
They never got physical.
Even I had discussed this with girl, 'why you are doing such thing with my friend.'
Every time she replies, she is demanding such things in the capacity of a friend.

She said, 'He (my friend) can deny, if he doesn't want to help me, I have a lot of choices.'
She is also working and earning fairly. Now I am in a dilemma. How can I help my friend?

Have you heard the saying, you can walk a horse to water, but you can't make it drink?

Your friend knows he is being taken advantage of but he chooses to continue in the same vein.

You can try to stage an intervention where several of his loved ones come together, sit him down and explain that this toxic woman should be cut out of his life and why. But ultimately, unless he decides to smarten up, no one can help him.

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