Tell yourself that nothing is worth losing sleep over and every opportunity leads to growth and learning, advises Mental Health Guru Anu Krishna.
You and I know what it is to be ridden with fear -- at a workplace meeting or presentation, at school exams or evaluations, at college stage performances and maybe sometimes even at home in front of your loved ones when you are asked to explain yourself for a particular behaviour.
Fear as an emotion isn't a phenomenon that strikes a few. And you might agree with me that when you don't want fear to a part of a situation, that's when it makes its grand appearance leaving you with sweaty palms, knots in your stomach...
The next thing that you know is that you are worrying about not bagging the next project, acing that interview or flunking the Math paper.
'The Boss is crazy', 'Math is a horrible subject', 'Interviews are scary'...
These statements have become part of your lives and no matter how many jobs you change, or how old you are, or how many interviews you have taken, the boss in every organisation will always be crazy, Math will always be horrible for you and Interviews will always scare you.
If you notice, the use of the word, 'always', it tells you how one or few incidents have led you to believe that what you think about the boss, math and interviews are always right.
You have begun to generalise it and believe that it is true.
Sadly, I see this running down generations in families where the parent very unknowingly has spoken so many times about their tryst with these far and few incidents, that the child now says: Math is a horrible subject very soon, he/she will begin to see it unfold in their lives and the usage of the word, 'always' will limit their growth and opportunity to learn.
Yes, you read this right. Growth and opportunity to learn stalls when you attach the word, 'always' to statements that have been pushing you around a few times.
It's not your truth, but by saying, 'always', you have cut short your learning and limited your understanding as to how to actually crack that interview or like the boss or doing well at Math.
When you take charge and want our situation to change and not play on a loop affecting your performance in life and at work, you stop looking outside and focus at what is going on in the mind to make your heart race in fear.
Fear of failure, fear of being answerable to someone, fear of being rejected, fear of being embarrassed -- can be anyone's story.
By now, I know that you are itching to know what you can do about it.
1. Gratitude
Start by being grateful to this event that has caused you anguish at that moment. Because, if the anguish didn't eat you up, you would never have had an opportunity to learn how to overcome this fear
2. Visualise
Picture the situation in your mind's eye and feel the outcome that you want from that meeting, that exam or that interview...
3. Information
Know the dates of the presentation/exam well in advance. Workplace maybe dynamic and force you to adapt but exam dates are notified well in advance. Dates help the logical side of the brain to plan; fear doesn't.
4. Plan
Break down what you need to do and how much you need to do as preparation structures the mind into a performance mode.
5. Internalise
Check if you are avoiding the preparation and procrastinating due to fears that dwell in the mind due to past experiences. Remind yourself: This is New and I have the power to choose to make it right my way.
6. Mind state
Visualise your outcome the same as it was in Step 2 and get into a state of mind that will help you get to the outcome: confidence, calmness…sports and meditation help you get to these mind states.
7. Reminder
Tell yourself that nothing is worth losing sleep over and every opportunity leads to growth and learning.
8. Execute
Simply follow the plan and do what you know best.
9. Gratitude
Again, be thankful for having allowed yourself to go through a positive mind shift through the above process
Can this be applied to all fears? I would say NO.
As some deep-rooted fears and traumas need more deep level work, but the fear that keeps you from excelling at your work place and academic life can adopt this pattern.
Everything starts to change once you have decided to take the onus for your choices. There's no one else to blame and just you to take the lead and follow.
Maybe these processes seem very daunting initially, but if you really follow through with determination and not cite excuses with the 'always it's like this or that', then you know you are well on your road to a core transformation.
Facing people isn't hard as you now thought that it would be because, you begin to feel changes within you when you decided not to give yourself a way out.
Ask yourself: What I am losing by holding onto these fears? You'll know the answer.
Now ask: What do I get by working on my mind and letting these fears out of my system? You again know the answer.
Your mind also knows that all these days or years you have been fabrication stories around these fears and stopping yourself and the pain of not being able to do what you want now makes you choose the best path now known to you.
You have the process, use it wisely and lead a beautiful and useful life.
There you have it; failure and anything that doesn't seem like its working only accelerates your learning curve…simply embrace it!
Dear readers, is there something that is bothering you that you are not able to talk to anyone about?
You don't have to be alone and you are NOT.
Tell us what is bothering you. Please send us your questions and tell us what you are struggling with.
Based on the information you share, mind/life coach, NLP trainer and Mental Health Guru Anu Krishna will help you find answers and guide you to help yourself overcome the situation better.
Please write to getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Anu, can you help?) along with your name and age. You may choose to stay anonymous. We respect your privacy.
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