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Wherever you go, whether it's Malad or the Maldives, people. want. to. take. pictures. Of themselves. Relentlessly, repeatedly, recklessly.
A picture is worth a thousand words, they say.
And now, apparently, it's worth dropping dead over too.
Head right to the edge of that cliff, dive head-first into the deepest gorge, jump from a freakin' aircraft and then attempt to smile as the wind whips your face into a version of yesterday's breakfast scramble...
Click.
Upload.
Furiously check 'likes' every 15 minutes.
Sound familiar?
As I stand on the cusp of 40, I've realised lately that many from this present coming-of-age generation are a bunch of cotton pickin' nutters.
And in what is likely a first, the older generations are following suit. Even daadi-ma wants a photograph taken, so Bunty beta in New York can see that she's prepared his favourite fried prawns for dinner. Wherever you go, whether it's Malad or the Maldives, people. want. to. take. pictures. Of themselves. Relentlessly, repeatedly, recklessly.
And it is every ounce as ridiculous as I am making it sound. I dare anyone living in the city to step out of their homes and just walk around for half an hour without coming across someone clicking a selfie on their cell phone. It won't happen. Can't happen, really, because it's an affliction that's become way worse.
At the bhelwallah, outside a theatre, at a funeral, on the toilet... nothing is off limits anymore.
Really, what is the world coming to when even those lying in hospitals are giving us a blow-by-blow account of how an illness is playing out, or posting photographs of their appendix in a jar for people to gawk at?
Privacy is fast becoming an obsolete term, with even celebrities oversharing and dissipating the mystique that we associated with their lives up until about two decades ago. The mojo kind of begins to wane when by virtue of social media you're accompanying them to every single engagement, from Milan Fashion Week to a micro-needling session.
Greta Garbo was a reticent enigma; Kim Kardashian may well document getting an enema. You can't put anything past anyone.
What's left me even more gobsmacked is the new brand of celeb that has been born by virtue of social media. Enter 'the influencer'.
A few years ago, we were influenced by the likes of Kalpana Chawla and Ratan Tata. Now it's a floozy in designer wear, holding an ice cream cone on the Champs-Élysées.
You're making a living off posting photographs of your life online, and even worse, leading a life that you think people want to see in pictures and videos and orchestrated online content.
No it isn't authentic, and it certainly isn't the best thing for your mental health. Bloggers, Youtubers, Instagrammers... how often do you hear of these young suddenly-celebrities committing suicide or suffering mental breakdowns? It's downright disturbing that kids today perceive this as a successful and coveted long-term career.
Yes, social media can be a boon. And it is changing the world in ways we never imagined, some good, some bad.
A middle-aged man from perhaps Peddar Road or Ulhasnagar is commenting lewdly on the bikini pic of a Victoria's Secret model, but on the other hand, millions are being raised around the world in a matter of days for a child in need of urgent medical treatment.
I get it, I get it. It isn't all the anti-Christ, but for heavens' sake, can't we handle moderation anymore?
'Tourist Ignores Warnings, Falls Into Volcano While Taking a Selfie'. Don't laugh; that's a real headline from two days ago. An American fell into Italy's Mount Vesuvius and had to be fished out of the crater by a rescue helicopter.
Others aren't so lucky. 'Delhi man falls off cliff in Uttarakhand's Tehri while taking selfie, dies'.
Even as I write (and rant), this headline is closer to home, from The Times of India. The article goes on to mention that risky photographs have claimed quite a few lives in the state over the past few years; in 2018, a 24 year old died climbing the wall of a flyover and a 27 year old was trampled to death by a provoked pachyderm when he tried to take a selfie with it and its calf. In 2016, a 24 year old was swept away by a rivulet.
The reason behind all these tragic young and avoidable fatalities is the same -- a goddamn photograph.
British photographer Martin Parr actually launched a book by the name of Death By Selfie last year, and it was discussed at the Indian Photo Festival in Madhapur, Hyderabad, last December. Statistical evidence is now proving that selfies are causing more fatalities across the world than shark attacks.
Back in 2015, Russia actually launched a 'safe selfie' campaign after a spate of related deaths that same year.
You'd think people everywhere would learn a lesson and exercise a tad bit more caution, but no, they continue to get run over on train tracks, bitten by tigers and fall off mountains.
There is no sign of abatement. In a bid to outdo each other, everyone is willing to throw the baby out with the bathwater and sometimes unwittingly get whatthey want -- albeit posthumously.
Still alive?
That's great.
Not? You'll be even more famous. For about five minutes, that is, till the next unfortunate statistic dominates the headlines while attempting something even more ludicrously dangerous.