'Guests can give shagun through debit card machines...'

Kishore Singh's encounters with post 8/11 India.
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com

Sarla: "I have no money, what am I going to do?"

Car parking attendant: "Sahib, change."

Wife to me: "I need you to go deposit some cash in the bank."

Son: "Dad, I'm taking your new currency notes."

Cook: "Madam, you can give me my advance salary for one year in old notes."

Daughter: "Mom, I'm taking your credit card."

Gardener: "The neighbours gave me Rs 2 lakh to deposit in my account. Do you think I should give it back?"

Newspaper delivery boy: "What, you don't have Paytm yet?"

Tailor: "No new currency, no new clothes!"

Bank teller: "Sorry sir, we're out of cash."

Sarla: "Okay, I have some money, I sold a house, will you deposit some cash for me in your account?"

Hotel concierge: "I know you don't have money now, but remember to tip me for two trips the next time."

Son: "Dad, I need your debit card."

Group of diners at a restaurant: "Here are nine cards for you to split the bill equally among us."

Daughter: "Mom, I've taken the new currency you were hiding in your wardrobe."

Wife: "You can't do that, I stole it from your father."

Driver: "Sir, can you transfer my extra duty allowance to my account?"

Parents: "Son, we need you to courier us some cash."

Courier agent: "Sir, you need to pay in cash."

Bank relationship manager: "Sorry sir, we're out of cash."

Sarla: "I found some more currency I was saving for a house I wanted to buy, will you deposit it for me?"

Sabziwallah: "Strictly no credit, no change."

Wife: "If you don't give me some legal money, how am I going to run this house?"

Note on invitation card of friend's daughter's wedding: 'Guests can give their shagun through debit card machines at the entrance of the venue.'

Son: "Dad, you can pay my credit card bill, I'm out of currency."

Daughter: "I'm out of currency too, please transfer some to my account."

Wife: "Everybody's husbands are pampering them with new currency notes, but all I have to spend is from a credit card."

Schoolkid: "Uncle, I'll stand in the ATM queue for you, but you'll have to pay me half the money."

Bank manager: "Sorry sir, we're out of cash."

Sarla: "I can give you money, but it isn't mine so you'll have to return it with interest."

HR manager: "We're delaying salaries because you can't draw it from the bank anyway."

Wife: "Of course I have cash, I got it from the bank, but I don't want to spend it on stupid things like household expenses."

Son: "Dad, can you pay my boss' credit card bill? He says there's no money in the system."

Daughter's friend: "Uncle, your daughter needs money so she can take us out for a treat."

Daughter: "Dad, give me some money so my friends don't think you're a skinflint."

Grocery shop owner: "Please get your KYC documents to avail of credit."

Bank division manager: "Sorry sir, we're out of cash."

Sarla: "When did I say I don't have money? I just don't have money to spend."

Sign above pharmacy cashier: "Our medicines don't work on credit."

Son: "Dad, I thought I could count on you for a little something like money."

Wife: "I can give you Rs 2,000 if you return Rs 1,900 in change."

Bellboy: "Sir, I have change, in case you want to break Rs 2,000 for a tip."

Bank regional manager: "Sorry sir, we're out of cash."