It's foolish to believe that someone else completes you.
It is you alone who are whole and complete, says Aarti David
Something shifts in life when your status changes to being single. It's never an easy decision to make either. But at some point, or another one has to take the plunge, especially if things don't go the way you want them to.
It doesn't automatically mean you are ready to wash dirty linen in public or comfortable sharing intimate details of your life with the world.
It just means that there comes a point when it stops bothering you too much.
It's not important when this shift takes place, what is critical is that you realise it has happened.
It is indeed a liberating feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from one's chest.
It's not a lightness that makes you feel like you're walking on air, but it is the kind that allows you to breathe easily.
In our society, it's not easy to accept or be accepted as someone who has a mind of their own or someone who decided to walk out of a relationship.
People are quick to judge and point fingers. After all, there can't be no smoke without a fire. At least that's what is the common belief.
Strangely you are expected to sort of toe the line, and people look at you with sympathy or apathy, as if you lack in some way.
It's odd that as we become more and more progressive as a people, our thought process continues to regress and we hold on to age-old beliefs.
Life is uncertain and unpredictable and there is a lot that remains unsaid or unfinished and sometimes there are no answers no matter how hard you seek to find them.
So, instead of wasting your time mulling over what could have been or should be. I think it is best to live and let live and move on. And once you do, you pick up the pieces and start finding yourself again.
It is not an easy journey being single and there is always, a lot of unsolicited advice from well-meaning people. But ultimately you have to be the one to decide what works best for you.
Because only the wearer knows where the shoe hurts the most. It pinches when people feel it is fine to encroach into your personal space and make a comment. However, reacting only makes you angry and mad or unhappy and sad.
People say whatever they feel like without thinking about the impact it may have on the other person. They are oblivious to the damage they may have caused and we end up suffering the consequences.
I have a simple philosophy; I distance myself from that situation or the individual. Please don't get me wrong, I am not an escapist and I don't believe in running away from the situation, I just walk away from it.
For me buying my peace has been more important than giving into the drama.
Life is a constant work in progress and there are the good days and the not-so-good days. And every so often, one needs a little pick me up. It is therefore important to stay connected with those in your inner circle.
The ones that will be there to help you rebuild yourself when you need it the most.
Ultimately, each of us is alone in our pursuit of happiness. Whether we live with a family, a partner, our children or we live alone.
It's foolish to believe that someone else completes you. It is you alone who are whole and complete. Others add value and enrich your life, they are not there to fill the gaps.
All the leaks and the cracks are to be filled by you, yourself. I have realised this as I have grown, not just older, but as an individual.
Helen Keller expressed this beautifully when she said, 'Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch, or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.'
I sometimes wonder why it is so difficult to accept that things can no longer work out and make a graceful exit. Why is there a strong need to feel in control and assert one's dominance in the relationship?
Why is it okay to transgress and restrict the partner's agency?
You read such horror stories every day, where partners/spouses try to get rid of each other due to insecurities/jealousy/property/petty fights. Why is there a need for violence/scheming and plotting or a voyeuristic display of emotions?
Who are we to decide the fate of someone else's life, even if they may have wronged us in any way?
The news flashes are becoming more and more gory and sensationalised and the incidents even worse. Intolerance has reached a whole new level in society. Is the cost of a life worth nothing?
How can we end up harming those that we cared for and loved, at one stage of life or another?
Perhaps letting go is not as easy for some of us. But the truth is, that if you wish to move on in life, you need to let go, as hard or as impossible as it may seem.
Take it from someone who lives it on a daily basis. Letting go doesn't automatically mean the negative thoughts will be banished forever, but it will surely help to process them differently.
You will be able to catch yourself when slipping into that spiral and engage in something that makes you happy. This is not just idle talk; it truly does work.
Engaging in something that cheers you up or brings a smile to your face is necessary, it could be something as simple as buying yourself flowers.
Nothing or no one should be so important that we lose our sleep, our identity or our happiness, because of them.
Everything is transient, including this life we have on the planet. So how can we believe that relationships can last forever?
They have a time and place and occupy a space in our hearts, till the time they do. But things do come to an end, whether it happens with the passing away of someone or the death of a relationship.
The feeling of loss is quite the same. The void remains for a while and then gets filled with time.
We learn to cherish every moment and find joy in little things. After all, you deserve to enjoy the well-earned peace of mind.
Feature Presentation: Ashish Narsale/Rediff.com
