razy. Chaotic. Eccentric. Hilarious. Weird.

These are just some of the tame words that do justice to my job description: the multitasking working mom.

At most times, I feel like a cross between a hapless circus juggler and Maa Durga attempting to cope with 15 activities every hour. Office work is, of course, additional. These range from long-distance supervision of my kid's homework, telephonic preparation of meals, housework organised from the depths of my office chair (rather than armchair), shopping on the Internet, using the cell phone to resolve tantrums...

I say hapless circus juggler because the days when you juggle the balls just right, without having five of them come crashing down on you, are actually very few and far between. On those days you feel as powerful as the many-armed goddess.

But let me set record the straight. I can't be anything but that circus juggler.

Stay-at-home mom? No, that does not work for me; way, way too tame, little-womanish and not enough adrenaline in that job profile.

An efficient working woman with a superlative professional performance, perfectly polished nails, well-cut clothes, a neat and tidy filofax and no kids? Not possible ever.

I cannot even begin to imagine how lousy my life would be without kids or even what a marriage would be like without the shared experience of bringing up your daughters or sons. I have my peace of mind only when I am in that juggler/Durga/Kali act (where, incidentally, there is no peace of mind).

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The day-to-day existence of a working mom has a bumpy uncertain flow. You become adept at doing things in a teda (crooked) format. You get used to never having a nanosecond of time for yourself -- forget those nails, that perfect wardrobe, the beautiful blow-dried hair. I haven't seen the inside of a hair dresser for 10 years (yeah,yeah, it shows!) and I don't know what a manicurist is.

I usually take -- no jokes -- five minutes to get ready every morning. I end up brushing my hair in the taxi/car to work and rely on all kinds of cheap tricks to look mildly/barely presentable (like spraying crumpled clothes with water to iron them in one second).

I am a spotty housewife: I have rarely gone to the bazaar to check out the quality, daam and firmness of the vegetables or spent time arranging flowers or knitting sweaters.

Cell phones, I am quite sure, were invented for multitasking mothers. Mine is used for everything from dictating a soup recipe to making contact with the bhajiwallah. Its reminder system is constantly buzzing to alert me to birthday parties, PTAs, teacher appointments, dog, cat and kid vaccinations, television movies to show my daughters, in addition to more mundane job-related reminders.

Hurry is a word that rules my life. Sometimes, I wonder what my four-year-old thinks of me. I am not sure how many times a day I tell her, "Well you know we are in a hurry today, we can't do that..."

This often happens when she takes down a bottle of grape-fragrance bubbles to lengthen her bath time on a morning when I am bathing her in an almighty rush. Or when she comes with the fourth Dr Seuss book to read when we are about to breathlessly tear out the door to go to school, office, swimming class, play date and wherever else, with bags, newspapers, ribbons and water bottles trailing behind us.

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Speed telescopes days, months and years into a blurred haze. I always think of the sign in our paediatrician's office: I am running late but I am always running... I think if I total the minutes by which I/we have been late for meetings, school, appointments, classes, weddings, trains... I am probably running about a year or a year-and-a-half behind.

I have gotten used to attempting to achieve maximum work efficiency in hair-raising circumstances -- like with a kid in my lap while I bang the keyboard or my girls jabbering as I edit something important or having the children in office (I have a supportive boss) as I go through a day's work (being baby-sat by someone or the other; not me :)) 

There are, of course, lots of negatives.

Like, after days of being run off your feet, you wish you had that quiet moment sometimes to sit down with a cup of tea and put your feet up. That luxury only comes on Sundays. Or when you want to have some time to call your own.

Then there is the guilt that your kid could be doing better scholastically, and in other spheres, if you just had a little bit more time to do homework with her or introduce her to more books on science or plan a craft activity.

But hey, being a working mom, in spite of my extravagant descriptions, ain't that tough. It is really a matter of getting used to a very crazy lifestyle. On the outside it sounds daft and complicated but when you start doing it, it quite naturally becomes a way of life.

I have a few thumb rules that work for me and could work for you:

1. You need a fully supportive spouse. My husband can stand in at any time for anything I do for the children and can, sometimes, do things even better than me. We pretty much share all childcare. In the initial months, it took time for him to get used to being such an active parent. I think it comes more instinctively to a mom, ie making time in your life for your child. But you need to have that expectation of your spouse. I know so many women who don't have the courage to expect it from their husbands. You must!

2. When the going gets tough and there is loads of work to be done, I take the kids with me even when they are sick or I have long hours ahead. Leaving a child at home in uncertain care is more worrying and causes lack of efficiency. With my child by my side, I can work comfortably. Besides, your child would rather be with you than anyone else even when you are super-busy.

3. You have to meet each situation, each difficulty as it comes along. There is often no solution for a problem in advance. Unfailingly, at the very last minute, a creative solution arises. But if you are going to worry your brain beforehand, you will suffer tremendously.

4. I would not be able to survive without domestic help, who are very much a part of my daughters' childhood. I don't believe in leaving all tasks or aspects to the judgment of the help and I supervise the nitty-gritty very closely. But much of what I achieve -- childcare, cooking, housework -- is thanks to the people who work in my home.

5. Don't expect to mollycoddle your child. Even at the best of times I am a strict, impatient mom (the Kali avatar of Durga). I can be terribly unreasonable and short-tempered but I think, all told -- I will ask them when they are 25 -- my children will one day appreciate the fact that I was/am a working mom. Your children can become successful and hard working, I feel, if they witness work ethic firsthand. It also teaches them the value of independence.

6. Where there is a will, there is a way. It is one of those golden adages, but it is so true. It bores me stiff to see moms like turtles on their backs telling you they cannot do this and cannot do that because of this or that. Certainly, I have been super-lucky in having both a very supportive husband and an especially accommodating boss. But I feel that if you look for the solutions, you will always find them. Whatever the circumstances.

Do you have parenting tips/experiences you would like to share with us? Do let us know.

ZELDA PANDE IN REDIFF DIARY
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Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh