ou are one of the country's teeming upwardly mobile millions.

You leave for work early morning only to return home late. You spend more time at work than at home.

Sometimes, the line between weekdays and weekends seems hazy, as does that between boss and friend.

Your career seems promising and you get on well with your superior.

So much so that s/he asks you out on a date.

You now have a situation.

What do you do?

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The fairytale ending

Anna Kurian accepted her boss's invitation for dinner.

Eventually, she married him.

"Malcolm, my husband, was a great boss. Because we were closer in age, I wasn't in awe of him. I guess when he asked me out, it didn't come as a surprise, " says Anna, 28, a placement consultant.

Thinking of going out on that boss-subordinate date?

Malcolm has a piece of advice: Leave your professional relationship behind in the office.

"I made it clear that I had asked her out as a friend and not as a boss. From then on, we just got to know each other better in an informal environment but never let it affect work," says Malcolm.

But this was not Malcolm's first relationship at work. An earlier association had soured when professional problems accelerated those in the personal sphere.

"I've seen the good and the bad. I was lucky the second time round, but I'm not sure if I would recommend it to anyone else. It's a tricky balance."

• Has your boss asked you out for a date? What did you do? Let us know!

When the boss turns Juliet

Shantanu* met his wife Ruhaina* at work. They began dating even as he continued to report to her at an multinational corporation. Shantanu didn't think twice before saying yes.

"We spent more time with each other than we did with anyone else because of the long hours at work. I asked him out when I was confident he would accept," says Ruhaina, 32, who is two years older in both age and work experience.

Today, they are happily married and have a two year old daughter.

Rahul Sen*, a management graduate working in IT, was surprised when his boss asked him out for a movie and dinner. "She had made my life miserable at work. I was a management trainee. Most trainees have it tough in any case. One day, she asked me out. Just like that. I was totally cool about it and, in fact, after our little date, things improved for me at work. She bossed around a lot less," he says.

The men highly recommend a date with the boss!

"Just be normal about it, and don't accept if you are going to be awkward or shy. It will ruin the evening as well as the next few days at work," says Shantanu.

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The horror story

Not everyone is as fortunate as Anna or Shantanu. Graphic designer Mohini Kapoor* has had not one but four ex-bosses ask her out at different stages in her career. It is an experience she would much rather forget.

Of the four, two were married.

"My boss and I were leaving to attend a meeting in another city. He kissed his wife at the airport and when we reached our destination, he knocked at the door of my hotel room all night. I was frightened out of my wits," she says. 

"My bachelor bosses kept asking me out. I was too afraid to confront them and of the repercussions this would have at work," adds Mohini.

If you are not the sort to firmly answer in the negative, try Mohini's approach. "I'd say yes and never show up or would land up with other colleagues -- people I had confided in. My bosses got the message, eventually. I am friends with two of them today. In fact, one of them apologised later and we laugh about it now."

Don't let it pass!

So where does one draw the line?

How do you distinguish between a harmless date and a not-so-harmless pass?

Veena Gowda, women's rights lawyer, Majlis, a Mumbai-based legal and cultural resource centre, believes the onus is on the subordinate who has the right to refusal.

"It depends on how you feel about it. It is all right to go on a date, but if you choose not to and if your superior persists, it could amount to sexual harassment. This also relates to conduct at the workplace. Sexual harassment may be verbal or in the form of a gesture, touch -- anything that makes a woman sexually uncomfortable. Most women, sadly, are unaware that they have been sexually harassed at work," she says.

Monica Sharma, HR person in the entertainment industry with previous experience in the airline and IT industries, says that HR has taken action in serious cases and the bosses were sacked.

Dates with mutual consent are fine, she reiterates, as long as they don't disrupt work.

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Workable solutions

Preeti Tiwari*, 23, was flattered when she was asked to help out on an important project by her super boss. However, when he persistently asked her out for dinner during this period, she confided in her immediate boss who took her off the project on the pretext of some other work, and replaced her with a male colleague.

Be upfront

Sometimes a firm and emphatic 'No!' can do the trick, as Sanjay Menon* 20, discovered. A summer intern at an ad agency, he was taken by surprise when his boss asked him out. His boss was 35 years old, and male. "I have no problem with people who wish to go out on same sex dates, but I wouldn't do it. I was aware that my boss was gay and politely declined by informing him that I was heterosexual," he says.

Clear things out if you feel the date has changed your relationship at work, says Gayatri Khanna*.

"I was uncomfortable being around my boss after we went out for a drink. Soon I started avoiding him. I would communicate through e-mail, leave work on his desk in his absence. One day, he called me in to discuss my odd behaviour. I was relieved I could talk about my discomfort. We decided to stick to a professional relationship if our dates were going to make me awkward."

When the answer is yes!

1. Dating your boss is likely to affect work as the subordinate-superior relationship gets blurred. Don't bow down to pressure. Don't accept unless you are dead certain that a professional distance will be maintained.

2. Don't flaunt your newfound intimacy at work. You run the risk of alienating colleagues who may be apprehensive of preferential treatment towards you.

3. Be prepared for rumours and sniggers at work, unless you are both exceptionally good at keeping secrets (and a deadpan expression). Be prepared for an uncomfortable relationship at work should your romantic association sour.

4. Dating during office hours is suicidal.

5. If either or both of you are married, you are in trouble.

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When the answer is no!

1. It takes courage to refuse under pressure and to continue a normal working relationship with a rejected boss. It's best to have an honest t�te-�-t�te.

Don't be afraid. In today's transparent and open organisational structures, even the boss is accountable.

2. Assure him/ her that it does not change your working relationship. In turn, secure an assurance from him/her.

3. If you feel you were passed up for a promotion or didn't get that well-deserved raise after refusal, confront your boss about it. If that doesn't help, contact HR.

4. If s/he persists or makes a pass at you, contact your HR department ASAP. Every company is meant to have a sexual harassment committee and a mechanism by which complaints can be filed.

If yours doesn't, bring it to the notice of your HR head.

5. If HR is unhelpful or hostile, get legal help. The Vishakha judgment passed by the Supreme Court lays down what needs to be done. Chances are, both your boss and the company will be in trouble. 

*Names changed on request

Has your boss asked you out for a date? What did you do? Let us know!