Dear Khushi and Karan,

When two people fall in love, why do they resist giving in to each other? Why do they outwardly pretend they don't care? Why do they behave like they hate each other, punch, fight, bicker, call each other names? Do anything but admit they are attracted to each other?

I must admit I was clueless. But after watching both of your I realised the root to all problems in the world: ego!

There are people indulging in it all the time. In seemingly senseless arguments, I mean. In fact it is happening right before me between two people.

I would have thought love conquers all. You opened my eyes to the truth. It takes at least three hours of screen time to break down the barriers, be hit with that realisation and rush into each other's arms to live happily ever after.

You were destined to meet, after all. The stars were aligned. You both enrol at the same university. You live in the same building in Mumbai (imagine). You even play the lead roles in the college dance competition (leaving math and physics) and sang, danced, flirted and did almost everything together. Then, why?

Ah yes, ego problems.

Khushi (Kareena Kapoor), I did feel a little sorry for you for constantly getting your foot in the mouth and embarrassing yourself. Like the first time when Karan (Fardeen Khan) tries to deliver a love letter for your friend Priya (from his friend Vikram), and you mistakenly think it was for you. And abuse Karan heartily before hearing him out. Poor thing. I can understand why Karan started falling a little bit in love with you.

And Karan, you really tried too hard when you faked engine trouble and walked Khushi home. I know you asked her who her favourite person was (outside her friends, family and Hrithik Roshan), but the girl only just met you!

Before I forget, I must tell you that those dance numbers in college were stunning. I know the sets were sponsored by Pepsi, but the money spent on the whole show must have surpassed the national budget of Cameroon. I hope you attended your math and physics classes the next day, because they are an option in college.

Khushi, the scene where your dad (Amrish Puri) gets a lift from Karan to visit you at university was really amusing. Then, as it turns out, your dad likes Karan and even says you should marry someone like him. How perfect can it get? But of course, your ego interferes.

And Karan, I really don't think you should have stared at Khushi's belly that time in the garden. I mean how rude is that? Of course, it was an attractive belly, but that's no excuse. Especially since she was trying so hard to concentrate on Visual Basic, draped seductively in a black sari. But both of you were great to watch in that scene. It reminded me of the quarrelsome twosome I mentioned before.

It was very sad Khushi decided to excommunicate you after that belly scene. But she did a good thing when she saved you from those goondas who nearly killed you. It was in the hospital that she decided that your interest in her belly wasn't all that bad.

Another scene I liked was when you Karan got drunk (thanks to your Bengali babu friend) and confessed to your Khushi poster (on the wall) about how you were attracted to her belly. But you are human and we definitely like you for that. Khushi, I know you landed on his doorstep at just that time but you really shouldn't have been so hard on him.

So Khushi, it did take another woman to come on the scene to make you realise, didn't it? You didn't like it one bit, when Roma started pawing Karan, did you? Your intense nose twitching gave away your jealousy. Even we could recognise the signs of true love. And then uniting Priya and Vikram against the girl's father's wishes. How brave and fearless! In the end, it was Vikram who made both of you realise you were meant for each other.

Khushi, from that moment where you burst into the scene with that Khushi number to the last one, you are definitely going to fill the senses of your fans. Your fighting scenes are very believable if sometimes over the top. That squeak, that high-pitched tone, I know it's all a part of your repertoire. I just wish you wouldn't twitch your nose so much.

Karan seemed to like it, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. I know this is your dream role. You play yourself, maybe just a little more dramatic and louder. (But we would have been more pleasantly surprised if one day you play someone completely opposed to your real life character and do it well.)

Karan, you did a rather commendable job standing up to Khushi's outbursts. You were good in those comic scenes. The one with Khushi's dad when he tries to get her to promise to get married; the one where you get drunk; and the one where you fake engine trouble and try and get the woman to admit she likes you. I don't know what you did after Om Jai Jagadish, but the rest seems to have done you good!

Chemistry? You guys matched each other when going for each other's throats. You will definitely not disappoint your fans. It is the rest I'm a little worried about. (I will surely send a prayer that producer Boney Kapoor gets a lot of khushi from the box-office reports next week).

That waterfall and running into each other's arms was all fine, but getting married just out of college is not something we would recommend. So we are mighty glad you are just film characters and not real. If there is one thing I will advise moviegoers, it will be to go armed with popcorn and leave the better part of their brain at home.

I was shocked though at the end to be informed that both of you had 17 kids in eight years. Didn't anyone tell you about the sex education classes right after dance, math and physics?

Yours truly,

Anita Bora