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'I have never been the kind to hold on to things. I have never felt insecure in life'
'I know my numbers, probably gave the impression that I went after number, that was never the case'
Now that the unparalleled pressure of being an Indian cricketer is off his back, Ravichandran Ashwin visualises himself doing a lot more on the cricket field at least for the next few years.
The 38-year-old stunned the cricketing world by announcing his retirement following the third Test of the Border-Gavaskar Trophy. He flew back home the following day and got an overwhelming reception from the people in his hometown Chennai.
In a chat with former England captains Michael Atherton and Nasser Hussain on Sky Sports, Ashwin revealed one of the reasons he retired in the middle of the series is that he did not get the same creative satisfaction out of his game.
"One line I have always said when people ask me 'what is next?' I have said the day I wake up and feel that creative side doesn't have a future or direction is when I would probably give it up."
"I certainly think that creative side did not have a lot of upside to explore. There are laboratories available in world cricket today. So I thought okay if this is not the lab, I can find another one," said the second highest wicket taker for India in Test cricket.
Ashwin said he will continue to play club cricket including the IPL.
Being seventh on the all time leading wicket takers list, does Ashwin feel satisfied?
"I won't be seventh on the list for a long time. Nathan Lyon is breathing down my neck. Glad to be number 8, glad to be whatever number I happen to become eventually."
"One tag that have always come behind me, that people have tended to say that I am a numbers man, I know my numbers, probably gave the impression that I went after number, that was never the case."
"It was all about getting excited to be something else the very next day that I played the game. The game gave me so much to a point where it allowed me to be creative and explore the best inside me. So grateful to the game for giving me all those avenues."
"The cricketer in me is yet to be done. I do visualise myself doing a lot more in the next few years, that tag of being an Indian cricketer can be overwhelming. Now that is off my back, I do have an avenue to explore much more as long as my body is allowing me to do so," he said.
Some take the call on retirement after a lot of thought and some are more instantaneous. Where does Ashwin bracket himself?
"There is always that question lies inside you. You keep asking yourself, am I really making this decision the right way? In my case it was slightly different. I don't know how to position this. But I have never been the kind to hold on to things. I have never felt insecure in life."
"I don't believe what I have today is probably going to be mine tomorrow. Probably that has been one of my elevating factors. I always wanted to leave things behind as nonchalantly as I can because I do not believe in people celebrating me, I don't believe in the kind of attention we get sometimes in India. It is always the game that is always stood ahead of me," said Ashwin.
The amount of love Ashwin received post retirement overwhelmed him. The cricketers he grew up idolising -- Sachin Tendulkar and Kapil Dev -- were among the many who called to congratulate him on a special career.
"I went to bed one night thinking what the hell have I done? People like Sachin and Kapil Dev. Growing up to me Sachin was everything. I didn't want him to get out. To get a call from him, he spoke to me at depth about how he felt when he hung up his boots."
"Then Kapil Dev calling me and speaking about what he felt and thought of me was (overwhelming). I have a massive amount of gratitude (for the love that I have received)," he added.