We were overwhelmed by the tremendous response. In fact, we realised many of you out there have had similar experiences -- lending money because you feel emotionally obliged and finding it is never returned.

Here are some interesting ideas on when to lend money and how to get it back.

When not to give

Remember, it is your money. You have a right to know why it is being borrowed. Don't lend if your friend would rather keep mum on about the reason/s why he needs it.

If it is to pay up his credit card debt or personal loans due to his frivolous lifestyle, back away. If he has been living above his means, it is not your obligation to bail him out.

Ditto if it is to finance a club membership, a home theatre, a car or even a vacation (no matter how long awaited).

Secondly, if a friend or relative is borrowing it, chances are they will not be paying you any interest -- the money you loan is not being invested or even saved. At the very least, they owe you an explanation.

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When you may want to give in

Don't just give in because of your warm heart. Do so because of the situation at hand.

If it is a sudden illness or calamity, then you should consider. After all, what are friends/ family for?

Maybe your friend needs some financial assistance to get a management or a professional degree. Or maybe even to buy a house.

In such cases, ask yourself a few questions.

Do you have the money to spare? Or will you be asking your parents or spouse for it?

Will giving the money cause a rift in your family?

Has your spouse agreed to your giving the loan?

Will your family have to make sacrifices if you lend this money?

You must also make allowances for slip-ups.

Are you ready to lose the money? Writing if off as a gift is one thing, but will you resent your friend for it?

Can you afford to lose it? You may want to, but does that mean you will have to cut corners at home? Will your family suffer?

Even if you do eventually get your money back, are you prepared for a long wait? Do you realise you will only get back the principal -- no interest or any other additional money? And when you get it back, the money will be worth much less because of inflation.

Think about these issues.

• How much are you worth?

Ask about repayment

Don't feel embarrassed. It is your hard-earned money. Even if it is not hard-earned, it is still yours.

Ask him when and how he plans to repay. Does he plan to do it with his next salary or a year from today? Three payments over a year or a small amount every month?

You must let him know you are serious about getting your money back and he can't ride on your back for free.

• Calamity stricken and need money?

If it is for business

This one is easy.

You are not obliged because it is not a matter of life and death.

The fact that you like the idea does not make it an effective predictor of future earnings. Do your groundwork. Part with your money only if you find the idea feasible.

In case you decide to lend the money, prepare a lending agreement with your lawyer. Make it clear how much is being lent and what the terms and conditions and repayment schedules are. Ensure that both of you sign it.

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Get your money back

"Be boundless in your charity, but shrewd and cautious in your lending."

- Franz Grillparzer, Austrian playwright and poet

In case you are not a wise or careful lender, here is some advice from our readers.

"Make his life miserable till he pays up. Anyway, by him not paying up, the relationship has turned sour. After losing a friend, why lose the money?."

- Kushal

"I tell people who ask me for money that if I lend it to them, it will not auspicious for the borrower and he will face further problems."

- Suneeta

"If they ask for Rs 10,000, give them around Rs 3,000. That way you make them happy and you don't mind writing it off."

- Geetika

"I found my friend indulging in an extravagant lifestyle even though she owed me Rs 10,000. She would say she did not have the money. So, the next time she went shopping, I went with her. When she shopped on her credit card, I shopped too and made her pay for it on her card. When this totalled to the amount she owed me, I told her her debt was cleared."

- Shalini

"I told my friend's parents about his behaviour. Not only did they realise their son was messing up his life, they took a personal interest in settling his debts."

- Amit

"I asked a friend for some jewellery or watch as a collateral. I told her when she repaid it, I would return it. It made her determined to repay it."

- Shanti

Sometimes, the heart rules

A friend of mine was dating a woman whom he was madly in love with. She charmed him and borrowed from him and assumed that because they were getting married she would not have to square up. He sharpened up and asked that the money be returned. Need I say, they never did get married and he lost the money.

Yet, this same friend has lent others money when they were in dire straits and has got his money back.

So I guess, in friendship, you win some you lose some.  

Illustration: Dominic Xavier